Someday I’ll remember when all of this is just a memory. All of the physical pain and emotional termoil. Somday all of this will be behind me and until then i will move slowly,paint and write when i can. Sleep at times feels like my only escape from pain and reality of day.
Someday all of this will just a memory of the pasted,all of this madness of a life gone wong will settle. The anger and disappointment thay courses through m veins will ease and i to will rehoin the ranks of the fully living.
Someday i will come to terms with that now and for the remainder of this life I am disabled. I am not a functioning blackbelt, nor corporate executive. Im not a runner or weight lifter I am a man living with young onset Parkinson’s disease who is recovering from stage 4 throat cancer. I Guess i need to accept that in reality that’s some pretty heavy shit and kind of a stacked deck against me. Someday i’ll look back but for now the only direction i can see is straight infront of me.
The is no tomorrow no promised future of an easier life. There are no real easy choices in ny life right now. There is only now there is only what i can see and touch, there is only what consistency has shown me. I now longr tolerate fairweather friends, i find that the birds above and the sound of the trees is fine replacement for those who find me unworthy of their time and attention.
Someday all of this will be just a bad dream about a life i once lead. Someday my heart and soul will heal from the damage done by life and science. Someday i’ll be free of the ten-thousand thoughs a second that happen each moment of my life or the deffening silence that echos in the night and darkness of this life, depths to which my soul has sank to learn from which my demoms grow is a place i wish for person ever to have go until the very end for it is the darkest place i know.
Someday I’ll be free of me….. Someday..
Benjamin 2017- “A life in progress.”