In small places I lay weeping in seek of a life that was sleeping.
There comes a time when the true test if a man becomes the time he spends alone in crisis. Nothing has tested my resolve to stay positive more than this. My inner child weeps and lashes out in anger as my reflective self thinks. What type of human do they seem me as that would keep my so called friends and family at bay during these times of great burden. Have I become to the everything they hate? I feel it to be true more often than not.
It is that burden alone I think would crush the will to live of any loving person. Would it not? It is this well of bitter burden that makes me think it’s time to go. To where I know not but if I am to bare this memory as I do, then I shall do it in a place where Maxfields clouds greet my day and history blesses my feet. I think in a way this forced isolation has shown me that I’m blessed in ways most are not and cursed in the same way.
All I truly know is today my heart is heavy, my body is tired and my mind wandering the skys. I’m tired to the core in ways I never imagined possible. So for that I’m blessed to have a deeper compassion for those in need. Okay that’s all. Thanks for letting me vent. This is a hard experience, one I’m having a hard time articulating through paint or words. I’m trying to look for the positive in all of it but at times honestly it’s hard enough just to get dressed knowing what I have to do each day. Anyhow. Thanks cheers. May the world be kind to you today and you to it.
Always. Benjamin. 2017. “a life in progress.”