In the middle of the night.

In the middle of the night, I wake with a fire of a thousand suns burning in my body.
Waves of nausea like an unsettled sea ebb and flow in this darkness as the sun rolls closer.
Then im up, awake wondering the darkness at 1:48a searching for a porcelain God to hurl insults at in tongues only the sick speak at 2am.
The weeks are starting to drag as I knew they would, honestly I’m surprised sheer Irish bullheadedness made it 5 weeks.
Now zen Ben has to come and play because it’s getting intense the burns,nausea.
It comes when I’m alone it waits until I’m vulnerable, until I’m cozy in my cancer cocoon of the blankets made from promises and prayers. It’s there where I wait for this demon of my pasted to be purged. Today I am tired and in pain. To many days that start and stop to much pain ever present non relenting constant burn to many people fallen by the wayside of grief and rage. Soon though, soon I will find a place where I am more loved than questioned and that place, that place will be home. Me, the dog I don’t have and paints I do will be off to “the other side of the mountain” I live in a valley so that doesn’t really make sense lol I could go about many mountains 😂 honestly if I have it my way I’ll go across all of them, again. Any how slowly I’m waking it’s now almost 6:00am pst I’ve had 5 hrs to control the ick and now it’s time to start preparing the body and mind for treatment.
Much love and light.
B~ 2017
A life in progress


12 thoughts on “In the middle of the night.

  1. Thinking of you, and sending prayers. Always.

    I don’t normally leave links on other people’s blogs, but this just came across my plate and it might be something you want to ask your cancer team about. Couldn’t hurt, and it could make quite a difference:

    Article explains why, and that it MUST be intravenous – can’t go thru the stomach, etc. Relatively short and not too tough a read either; I know chemo-brain brings cognitive challenges too.

    You can DO this!
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to educate a world!”

    Liked by 1 person

      • Can’t blame you, actually. There are so many bogus cancer cures in circulation. This one seems to be legit, however. The source is, in any case.

        Congrats again for making it through the chemo ordeal. A friend who went through it began to feel much better relatively quickly when hers was over – her old energy returned and everything. Since she was also ADD since forever, even the chemo-brain (which mimics ADD, btw) was relatively simple to work around.

        Still praying for your complete recovery.

        Liked by 1 person

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