As the year ends.#realtalk ~A post that will grow…..

Hi, I’m going to take some time to write this and as we all know I can’t sit for long and with the cancer -Parkinson’s dbl punch going on I’ve been losing track of things faster than keeping track of things, so I’ll try and time stamp and date the sections of this year ending post. One of many I’m to write I’m sure as reflection seems to be my finer point sadly. Lol. Sure wish sound life choices was higher on my success list but we’ll talk about that later. *pst 2:38 December 26th 2016

First I’d like to say thank you to all my friends and family both those I have in my real life and those that I have in my real life that I’ve not met in the flesh. If that makes any sense. This year was a hard year of change and loss for many people I know. Myself included. 

For those of you who lost people this my heartbreaks for you. It’s the one thing that,….well one of two things things that I’m really really empathic with, death and betrayal/lost love. So again for all of you who have experienced this kind of loss in your life. .. I’m deeply sorry and please know you have my full attention if ever needed.

I’ll add more to this ongoing post later and throughout the last week of December. 

As always much love and light. Benjamin 2016. To be continued. ….

December 27th 2016 12:35 pm pst. 

Week 3 day 1 It has begun 😲😲😲 lol just kidding I had a three day weekend what am I complaining about right?  The pain level is growing I didn’t really sleep lastnight I pretty much just layer there and tried to hold it together until morning so I could start my routine. Cancer like Parkinson’s very much has its routine. Cancer is fight hard fast, then rest. Parkinson’s is planning and preparing for what’s coming lol. Oh the irony of life. I wish I could hire a companion lol. Someone like in the old days who would keep the old crazy artists semi out of trouble as I go gallivanting around the world painting and waiting. First things first I’ve got to shake this cancer thing. Anyhow I’m rambling. I just got back from radiation therapy and it’s time to eat,rest and get ready for tomorrow adventure on the C-Train. 

December 28th 2016 it’s getting closer the end of the year.  Thank God for that lol.. I  really hate 2016. A year of loss,loss and cancer. Yay. 

December 29th 2:45am 

Sleep bah sleep is weird these days I slept from 6pm 12-28 to 2 am 8 hrs of sleep jist at a very odd time of the day.  Today is one of those delete dates it’s Katelyn Van Dyk birthday. Breaking up with someone who was so involved in my life has been hard. I really thought I’d made the right choice. I thought the universe had rewarded me for being so brave in the face of  pd and was giving me back some of the things it took from me but in reality it ended up being the worst desicion of my life. So now that my phone reminders, FB memories and photos have a been deleted. Now I just need a memory wipe and I’ll be fucking great.  Actually it’s one of the things that cancer has made easy, cutting people out of my life. Not supportive, gone. Brings to much drama to my life,gone. Life in general is to short but when you’ve got one disease that’s literally trying to kill you and another than wants to slowly eat you alive time becomes very precious. Down to the point of everything. Anyhow little sleep ,the ending of an emotionally and physically  destructive year. I’m so totally done. And I haven’t been painting much because honestly I’m afraid of what lay inside of my heart and soul right now. Somewhere between broken child and furious arch angel. Neither place is  very much fun to be in for long these days. Really once all is said and done a tiny cottage on an English hillside, enough paint to keep me busy, a pint to warm my heart and an occasional smile to ease the soul and I’ll be good. For another 450 years. Well my friends it’s time to switch gears I’m going to go stare at some paint for a few before treatment. Today is the big day this week. Radiation therapy and chemo therapy today starting at 8am woot 😦😦😦 week 3 day 4/5

B, in touch 😂😉😉😉😂


7 thoughts on “As the year ends.#realtalk ~A post that will grow…..

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