It  is time…. 

It’s time….. 
I will not argue with you….
I will not raise my voice nor hand….
Do you not see the look in these dying eyes of a once fierce creature.
Life gets very real today and I’ve pledge to myself from this day forward no games no mystery no fetching or frolicking in these forests unless you intend to stay.
Otherwise I’m done with all of it.
No is time of science and this wolf has no time for games for heart, mind or soul for today science will come in and change this heart not to stop in the dead of cold and hate the fact that I’m here alone in the cold waiting to fight for my right to live and all I see is your shadow tainting picking at the remains.
Be ware little one this wolf is ready for war. Stray if you will. I will not be here when you return.
Today is the start of a very long 8 week course of fighting for my life. I prepare by leaving for Portland in a few short hrs. These I go to OHSU for physio and OT, then just a moment away is my neuropsychologist and she and I will set up the brain with some tools to help me conjure this evil seed that grows inside of me. 8 weeks of chemo and radiation…. I will not take you on this ride with me. But you may join on your own free will. But be warned I’ve patience for fairweather friends and family. So choose carefully some I’ll see at the end of this journey others this is your last stop before this shit gets really really real and really hard. I have my armor polished and am ready for one last fierce fight before I leave this world.
Cheers and sorry for the drama but really I’m I a horrible mood. I slept on jagged dreams broken and torn. Woke to wondering kittens and an empty house, cold and dark. No family here just a shell of what was….. Kind of like I feel right now. 😔
Cheers, chin up. 8 weeks of mad science and fighting for life.
I got this question is who’s got Me?
“a life worth fighting for.”

5 thoughts on “It  is time…. 

  1. Good morning Ben! Again you have successfully written what so many are unfortunately facing. My concern is your feeling so alone in the battle. I sure would like to know you have someone by your side. An advocate and second set of ears?


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