Oh dear Lord I can’t stop writing the Panic is surging through my body this morning more than I can even begin to explain. The thought of cancer coursing through my veins every second trying to take a little small bits of life from me as I stand here and shake from this damned Parkinson’s disease. I’m finding it hard to focus on anything this morning I feel lost and isolated by myself here at home in my fear and frustration, I’m not even sure what to call it I’m lashing out at the ones I love and not because I’m angry but because I’m afraid, afraid of everything at this moment. There you have it. I’m a big fraidie cat. I don’t want to be sick I don’t want to know what it’s like to have radiation sickness and eat poison pills and hope for the best. It was hard enough with Parkinson’s disease but this is fucking ridiculous. I’m stressed out of my fucking mind. 💔♥💔😭
And now there’s no going back. I’m tired and wartorn beaten down emotionally from the last 4 months of this fucking life and my body battered and broken from the Parkinson’s. I’m truly afraid that this shell 🐚 will not withstand this next test… I’m literally throwing myself into this blindly for the sake of being alive one more day and it’s scary as fuck.
Cheers. Benjamin M Prewitt.