Home and pondering… 

Okay,  so it just really hit me today… I have cancer.. Regardless of the kind, which I’ll find out tomorrow,  I have cancer and Parkinson’s disease 😂 😂 😂 and I start some form of radiation and chemo in a week or so…… 

Silence…. 

Yeah, wtf happened to my life. Seriously deep breath. This is hard,  that’s all I have to say. Waiting on finding out what kind of cancer I have is like experiencing waves of shear panic followed by surge after surge of nausea. 

Deep breathing and complete superficial denial seem to be working so far until I got back from the hospital today. Then like a ton bricks and a stream of tears it hit. This really really is happening and I think to myself oh dear God am I even physically strong enough for this has Parkinson’s taken it’s toll. So very very stressful. 

Okay I’ve spoken my peace and updated my dear dear friends and family here. Im cleaned up, fed and ready for bed. 

Please one thing before I sleep for a few, never more has this message I’ve been sending for years now seemed more appropriate. “Be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have.” you never know when and how it will change and I guarantee it’ll change. 

B.2016 “a life in progress.”

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12 thoughts on “Home and pondering… 

  1. Sleep well Ben. You deserve a good rest. You remind me how lucky I am when I’m feeling sad and missing Josh. I need to be grateful for what I have here and now. Love you!

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    • Thanks for that. I miss Josh as well. I’m freaked out. I hate not knowing. I love science and soul and I have faith and strength. But to have nowhere to focus it makes me hypersensitive to everything lol. Hopefully today I’ll know what’s to know.

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  2. You’ve been inspiring people for so long and ever since I interviewed you way back when it was clear to me that your words and paintings matter to people. I bet you’ve helped a lot of people get through some really hard days and I think you do have the strength and will to take this on, too. There was a quote you said once and that I reposted on my blog, it goes: “Know this, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing know that you are loved. That you are loved, good enough, strong enough and smart enough to get anything you want from this life. Don’t live in fear as I’ve done so often, fear is a lie. Don’t waste time fearing what hasn’t happened, trust me. It’s not worth it.” – you said that.

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  3. Okay Benjamin, I’ve been away for a bit – what is this?! I’m telling you, it was hard reading your message and will have to go back to your prior posts to understand what the heck is going on here. I’m very sorry to read the news and will hold you close in my thoughts as you begin the journey – you are a strong person, the courage to fight will appear as you need it going forward. That I believe ~

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    • Hello my friend, yes since last we spoke much has changed. Please feel free to read. Still have Parkinson’s 😂 though I found out a week ago I have cancer in my tonsil. Supposed to find out more today. Still wait for the Dr to call back.

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