I’m done pretending. I’m sooooooo done pretending that I’m okay with any of this fucked up life😥😥😥
I’m tired of people being distant bc they don’t how to deal with the fact that I have Parkinson’s and it’s changed me, my brain, my lifestyle. Don’t judge this is fucking hard TO DO ALONE.
And now the fact that Ive this cancer bull shit to think about, I’m done. A very dear friend of mine who isn’t a dear friend of mine anymore because of how I handled a private situation once said to me” Benjamin, you may need to expect that a “normal” relationship isnt something you can have anymore.
I think she was right. I keep on investing the very limited time I have left on this rock on people that either are so broken that I’m their anchor, which is a joke, or I’m investing my time and emotions into ppl that don’t really give a shit about me.. Soo.. Yeah…
The result of those choices has left me alone the night before my surgery and with a caregiver the day of. No family, no loved ones to come home to. This is not the life I want. Some of you may be thinking but Benjamin it’s just a biopsy or ppl are alone all the time. Well my answer to that is good for them bolly to those fucking ppl. They are not me.
So there it is. I’m fucking, tired of believing in people who don’t believe in me. I’m going to have this biopsy. Figure out whether or not it’s cancer. Then probably make some really serious life choices. My son will be 18 in July and he’s already shown that he doesn’t need his daddy any more. Seems nobody else does either.
So I bid you adieu. I’ll post results when they’re in. And a word to those of you having ambiguous relationships be careful. There are actual emotions attached to that human. Even if you cant see them all the time.
Peace I’m out. Of time and patience.