Cancer: day 1         Strong content. Beware.. 

So yeah I’m not sure what to say.  Honestly I’ve no words.  My fucking throat hurts so bad from the biopsy site. He literally took an exacto blade just like the one I have in my studio and cut a fucking chunk of my tonsil out, had me look at it,  “yep, that’s mine”  wtf.  So painful now that the meds have worn off. 

Oh and my ex Katelyn. Well she’s my ex again lol.  Not that she was around long enough for round two to really be called a gf again, but whatever. I’ve no time for ppl that don’t know what they want and if I’m not it then sorry but fuck off. Parkinson’s as of late has had me at my wits ends. And previously with my ex I publicly ruined and embarrassed myself. So no more.  Cancer, Parkinson’s  art, a teenaged son I’ve more than enough drama lol.  Note to self and others who read this:

Men,  Never leave a good person because something shiny comes your way. Seriously dudes. If it didn’t work out the first time and you weren’t married or have kids. Don’t go back!!!!! Not with your hearts, yes ladies guys have hearts. So dudes. Round two always just about the V. 

Ladies, Don’t play with people’s emotions. Seriously wtf, make a choice and stick to it bc us guys are fucking dumb and will follow that around as long as we think there’s even the slightest chance to be loved. Ladies don’t give dudes a chance at round 2. We are dumb and we’ll think you like us. When really it was all about the D and closure.

Okay next cancer rant of the day.  FUCKING FUCK, FUCK!!!!!   WOW really cancer and PD.  Wtf are the chances really?  Young onset PD and cancer. No offense but I’d expect to be 80 and have Parkinson’s and cancer. Maybe that’s wrong to say, sorry for the lack of social filters. But really what’s the odds I wonder. Okay enough of the panicking mindless emotional content. Thankfully I’ve 3-4 new pieces started so I’ve things to keep my mind busy. Now that I’ve got to start chemo and radiation I figure I should start that book before I die lol which now might be much shorter than expected.. But it could yet just be another chapter in this really fucking hilarious dark comedy I’m writing. It’s about the guy who after 15 yrs of marriage gets diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and in the course of 5 years loses EVERYTHING,  then just as twist at the end I was thinking about giving him cancer and alienating him from 99% of his friends and family. Lol maybe I’ll write that book…..  No wait that’s my story. *sorry I’m not normally so pissy. Today has just been a big day.  I really did not want to have cancer and I really didn’t want Katelyn to leave me again especially now. But ya know life’s not fair, it’s not kind or easy. My life for the most part has been cruel if I was to truly give it a name. That’s part of the reason I wake each day and try my damned to be positive. But today. Right now I’m sacred and alone literally and it’s probably the worst feeling I’ve ever fucking had. But then again truth be told we all face death alone. 

For me and those who are struggling please remember. “be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have.” for someday it will end and you’ll wish you’d tried just a little bit harder. Don’t wish.. Do. 

Benjamin. 2016 

PS, yes it’s safe to say I’m furious with life right now. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

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18 thoughts on “Cancer: day 1         Strong content. Beware.. 

  1. Hi Ben, this is just a thought and you might not speak to me again but lol… do you really want to go through the chemo and radiotherapy, as well as what you have to contend with already? It just seems to add more suffering. You know, your quality of life is yours to do with as you please for however long you’ve got to live it. Anyways, my friend, it is just a thought. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      • I have to admit the thought crossed my mind, because I had a scare a couple of years back and it was something I gave serious consideration to.
        it’s all your choice Ben and no matter what you decide, I for one will be a cyber shoulder where needed my friend xx

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your words, truly. At this point it’s odd I’m so willing to walk away from drama in my life. Just literally like “moving on, I’ve no time.” again blessings to you and yours.

      Like

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