Who do you,  talk to when you don’t know what to do? 

Since say June of this year I’ve felt isolated within #mylifewithparkinson’s first a major Emotional breakdown, done publicly and horribly. An end of a great friendship and love affair. Then solice and the threat of cancer which has yet again found its way back into my life.  Now I sit and watch this shell of a man struggle to posture bravery as I decend back into my world of paint and prose. My head literally on fire with panic and fatigue yet I’ve no place to put it. Isolation and chronic illness have horrid effects on weak family ties. Chronic illness is no joke. Nobody can prepare you or a family for the stress it causes because each person/family is different. So I figured I’d put myself here.

 It’s my safe place sadly it,  my, WordPress family preceed every single person I see regularly in my life except for one. My friends in Portland  H and J.  Kinda freaking sad if you think about it. I try not to but with this recent turn of events in my life personal /Parkinson’s and now still not sure if cancer is a thing or not.  There I said it.  Fucking insurance company declined my MRI again for the second time… W… T…… F…..!!  So I go in to the Dr on 10/31 make him do his job. (he’s a good doctor btw)  first I remind him he’s treated me twice already for this “tonsil” issue in 2015-16  this is what instagated the thyroid issue a year ago. Anyhow. And the fact that I’ve lost 40 lbs in 3 months. 

Looked at tonsil, says Hmmm that looks really bad (I say not shit doc).  I then reminded him that my white cell count was high on my blood test and we’ve blasted this tonsil with antibiotics three times now and it keeps coming back. Hmmmmm. Ponderous thoughts from the Dr’s face. He feels the literally rock hard tonsil……. 

Needless to say I’ve been scheduled for a CT scan for tomorrow morning and potential biopsy. Then I’m whisked away to OHSU for my fucking end of life lol neuropsychologist. Damn my life rocks. Any how that’s that. I feel purged thank you. 

Feels like my life pretty much. Technical difficulties. 😂😑😠 Idk it’s been a while since since I’ve really talked to anybody about this stuff. I recently had to make some intense life choices that have greatly effected my life both negatively and positively so again many many thanks for letting me use this site for its intended purpose. To chronological #mylifewithparkinson’s as it says in my statement. My life as a a father, artist and something lol with young onset Parkinson’s disease. This is my story the good the bad,  the truth as interpreted by me, my lens. 

Much love and light.           B. 2016 

“A life in progress.” 

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9 thoughts on “Who do you,  talk to when you don’t know what to do? 

    • Thanks Ed. It’s been a long time coming. I’ve been complaining for a couple years about it but the docs just treat it with antibiotics. 10/31 I made him take his time and actually look in detail at the effected area instead of the normal, “yep,throats red here’s some pills.” I’ll let you and momma know what’s up ASAP.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Seems ridiculous to click ‘like’ but at least it shows support. You write so effectively and I do think blog posts are a great way to purge oneself of the horrors if there’s no one around physically to support you. As dievca says, we’re here and we’re listening. Hugs. x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Agree with First Night Design 100%. I clicked LIKE only to indicate my support of the value of speaking your truth to a community likely to understand. You can DO this! Deep breaths until resolve returns. It will.
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Like

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