The end

It is with the heaviest heart I’ve had I say goodbye to the love of my life. Sadly my insecurities mixed with my medicine and a serious of unfortunate circumstances ended our relationship. I have failed her. Many of you have helped me literally survive of the last month while she and I have struggled through this most difficult time. I’m not sure when, this month I imagine, I’ll be returning to my home in Salem. Thanks to the generousity of many I’ll be able to honor the rest of my lease through December if I manage carefully. I’m at a point now in my Parkinson’s progression where it’s really starting to effect 

My grasp on perception, vocal tones ,facial expression,autonomic functions and oh the list goes on and on have really started to effect my day to day life. It sucks so bad. And the fact that I broke this young ladies heart will forever haunt me. Sure it takes two to handle and I believe that there were mental health factos on both sides that ultimately contributed to our demise, somehow I still feel responsible. I’d like to thank the lord and all of my friends and family for keeping me save durning these times. I don’t need money beyond paying my bills and having just a little more than I need so I don’t feel like I’m falling down a rabbit hole ever time I spend a dollar. I pray for peace in our lives.

That’s it for a while , I’ve been painting at my temp home in Portland Oregon until my home is safe to return to. So I’ll be sharing some of the “process” with you from time to time and as soon as I return to salem I’ll be rejoining my Artists in Action group and reconnecting with all those I have neglected in my life since my relationship began. Time for me to become the artist monk. 
I love you all a great deal. And know this, your kind words again have helped direct and save my life.

Always.
Benjamin.
2016.
“a life in progress”

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19 thoughts on “The end

  1. Dearest friend Ben…

    Unhappily nothing that I write can take the sorrow from your heart. If it helps you to suffer less, you may be sure you’ll be in my prayers. I’m sure God will maintain you strong at heart and HOPE will always be with you.

    Your brazilian friend,
    Mirna Cavalcanti de Albuqueque.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your prayers mean a great deal. As does the the clarity this situation has given to my life. I’ve neglected myself, my art and associates. I’ve not reached out to my son or my faith as I should have. I guess some lessons we learn the hardest ways. I have strength for my son that I may still be a mam worthy of his live and respect.
      Thank you again for your support its been years now you know and that my friend warms my heart.
      Always,
      Benjamin

      Like

  2. I´m so glad to be here. I´ve been delivering my Infinite Hugs to everyone needing warmth and smiles for a year now.
    Ok, I know I live far away, but my hugs travel quickly through oceans, mountains, seas, countries and languages.
    You´ll be strong, and fine. Just because you deserve it.
    Keep smiling 🙂

    Like

  3. Hi Benjamin, your post is as beautiful as heartbreaking. I’m so sorry to hear that. Relationships are so complicated and you can’t blame yourself. Things happen for a reason and I’m sure you will find the light in your way. Your fight is fierce and I have a deep respect for your strength and determination following through. My prayers for you and I’ll love following your work and your art.

    Liked by 1 person

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