I woke in panic not knowing where I was or what had happened,… Then it all came rushing back as if the seas themselves opened up and swallowed me whole. Slowly, my eyes focused and I wept like a baby for this life wasn’t a dream nor a fantasy. It was mine and I had some very hard choices to make.
Carefully gathering my strength of heart and courage. I wrote my lists, thought of the things I’d pretend to do to pass the time. Things to occupy my mind so deeply that it dare not wonder, I dare not think of losing the great train or how it stopped so unexpectedly. Dead in its track. Warnings to soft to hear under its great roaring engine. So full of passion and pride. Yet I, as her conductor had forgotten the true strength and beauty of our union. I grew fearful of her strength, speed and determination. I fogot I too was not just a passenger.
Was it just I this conductor of the great train that caused this crash?
Could it have been just one man’s fault? Knowing the complexity of the great train I think not. But each morning I wake to the same state. Each night I polish he faded dreams with tears of truth in hopes to someday polish the shine in her lights and caress the dents from her frame to once again travel the tracks of life with a view from her windows. Or shall I forever live in regret and sorrow.
To be continued. ..
Next: Day 9 the struggle cont.
I’m writing again as you can see. Honestly I’m not sure what else to do. I should be swimming and gardening with my love. Having birthdays and welcome homes. But life has forced me to reexamine everything I hold dearest. I’m not ready to give up I’m not sure how to be honest. I told myself after the loss of my marriage, children and career that if God, Allah or Winnie the Pooh gave me another chance at happiness that I would not so easily take leave. Not give up on LOVE, not when I can still feel it’s heart beat. Not when….Anyhow that’s far more information than nessasry. Consider it the ramblings of the Ropinerol.
Goodnight and as you dream may angels guide you home.
“A life in progress.”