And then there was one

there is silence in the air today that whispers of sadness for loves lost and friends betrayed.
I can hear the cars in the distance, a constant hum of the machanical sea created to push us closer to the end.
slowly they drownd out the soft voice of your rememberance .
lost in a spinning breeze of my life i grasp at passing branches to
again hold myseld high.
but ive no strength ,no passion, no heart to carry this weight.
i have grown to weak and these burdens to heavy to continue. i fear what the future holds
they say your strong and youve done this before you can do it again.

BUT what if i dont want to. what if this sucks and hurts to much? what then, what do you do when everything is taken away,again and again? i have no nails to rebuild and no plan to make perfect for its been taken from me,like a good idea stolen in a backroom bargin.


12 thoughts on “And then there was one

  1. A truism but the only way is up. Let your friends you mentioned in the previous post surround you with love and strength. If I can survive to move on, you can too! Easy, so easy to say, but I know it in my gut that you can do it. xx

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Benjamin,
    When we lost our son on that dreadful day and almost every day moving forward I wanted to just leave and join him, and I would, but then I remember the people that love me and look at pictures of he and his sister and know that I can’t leave her yet. Whenever it gets dark for you click delete on those thoughts and think of your son, Andrew. He needs a male role model in his life and he needs his father. It may not seem like that now, but he will turn toward you as he begins to explore his adult life as well. Take care, take time to grieve your loss, just try not to lose sight of him.
    Love you. Aunt Cyndee

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Dear heart broken. mankind and our own hearts “WILL” deceive us and possibly destroy us. Putting trust into ourselves and others will ultimately be our end! Yes, there are some good people that mean to do good things in this weary world, but, even they cannot keep from making mistakes at any time. We are taught and told by Christ Jesus (if you read about all His disciples mistakes made in the new testament NIV), He tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated! Luke 6:31…Jesus never said that our lives would be an easy ride or, that there wouldn’t be deception, pain, or suffering in this world. He said to put your trust in Him who stepped down from His throne to suffer for us (the whole world). “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”NIV Prov’s 3:5…My friend, the more we put into our minds that we’re “overcomers”, than we’re already there! I feel for you, I do not know though what you’re feeling, I’m not you, I also do myself in other problems and disappointments am sufferings in life. The less we focus on the “DARKNESS” of this dying world and let what light that “flickers” inside us shine out, the more that candle will get oxygen and the flame will grow for others to see and gain hope also! For this world to be a better place, let your suffering turn to strength so others that have any suffering see an “over-comer”, so they also will see that light and overcome the world!! Another quote: John 16:33 and 1 John 4:4… My friend, I do not say these words to preach to you, These come from the Holy Spirit to my heart to share. We are all meant to “SHARE” all good things to everyone are we not?! So give your “flickering candle” some “oxygen” and let the flame grow big!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You can see the abyss. There is nothing there for you. It’s a false peace. You force yourself to step back. Take time to heal. It won’t happen over night. Scrape that reserve barrel and take baby steps. Your son needs his father, put him first in your mind. If you concentrate on him you will gradually find yourself making plans again. Take your frustrates out on your art work and poetry writing.
    Nil Desperandum

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You remember when I was brutalized for 10 years and abused by a man an alcoholic man, raped and beaten . I had to hang on because I had you, my son, you can do this too, for your son. Love Momma

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Its unfortunate i haven’t been active here and havent been able to follow you through your journey of art and life.With this post,however, your words pierce through my heart. I know you feel pain but the only thing i can tell you is that i am sending my best wishes and healing energy to you! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Charlotte really I’m s are as hell. But I’ve no choice, I can’t give up hope on life,love family and happiness. Without these things I’m nothing. That you for your beautiful music.


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