Thank you and goodnight

It’s been 5 years since my diagnosis and 5 years of living hell. It took my wife, my children, my career and my self worth all in one swift day. Well I’m done.
“Expressions of my life” is done. I’ll still do paintings on commission and possibly show but I feel that this blog has caused me more hurt than good. I tried to reach out and became so swept up by everything social media that I lost myself. To be honest when I look at myself I feel sick and worthless and there isn’t anything Else I can say. I’ve been judged at every turn of this fucking life and I’m tired. Right now I’m at risk of losing everything. My past, my present and my future and its fucking killing me. I can’t go on like this anymore. I’ll leave this up for 12 hrs then as the French say.
Adieu,

Benjamin M Prewitt
“A wasted life”
1970-

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16 thoughts on “Thank you and goodnight

  1. Very sorry to read this Benjamin, it’s been a long and tough road for you. Perhaps over time after you’ve had a chance to get away from it all you’ll come back to visit. I wish you much peace and courage as you face the challenge this hideous disease forces upon you. You’ll remain in my thoughts, best wishes my friend ~ Mary

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    • Thank you. I simply just dont know what to do anymore. I cant live like this. But im to much of a chicken to do anyhing about it. I feel like im making mistake after mistake in this life. Im causing more chaos than creating good, so its time for me to go until i can get my head/heart/soul right. Again thank you for all your kindness over the years.
      B

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      • Benjamin, you’re an amazing and talented artist whose work is well recognized all over the world – I’m a big fan of your art, as you know. Your blog has given many a true understanding of what it’s like to have the disease and the personal struggles on so many levels that go along with it. Take strength in knowing that you have an incredible support system throughout the world, I know w/o a shadow of a doubt they – we – I hold you in our collective thoughts as you work through this. Back at you my friend for all your support throughout the years. Looking forward to an amazing and uplifting future post from you – yes, it will be in my reader one day.

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  2. I too am sad you are leaving here, but I understand when something has run its course, it’s time to move on. I’ve always enjoyed your art you share here, and I hope you’re able to continue to express yourself through art. You’re the only person I’ve known with PD, and I must thank you for sharing this personal and difficult aspect of your life. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I can appreciate your strength to share so openly. I wish you all the best. Go well, dear friend X

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It saddens me greatly to read this. You have given me strength and inspiration. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I wish you all the best Ben, and will hold you in my heart and in my thoughts as a supremely talented artist and giving man. You are in my home and your story of bravery will live with your paintings.

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  4. We have something in common – I am just coming up to 5 years post PD diagnosis. I know where you are coming from. I feel like an alien has invaded my body. What keeps me going i don’t know but what I do know is your work is unique and brilliant and you must keep going. I wish I had an answer. I don’t. But i know we must keep going. Have courage. All my best wishes to you.

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  5. i wish that things had been easier for you, you are a brave knight who has fought valiantly and don’t give up. you mean too much to too many people and you have a brilliant gift. if you need to take a break, we all understand, but look forward to seeing you again soon.

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  6. Dear b… I’m sorry you’re having such misery tho I get why you want to pull away from the web. It messes with my head too. You know where to find me should you need someone who cares for you. Be at peace, my friend, whilst raging. You know both are possible. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My dear my dear; follow your heart and let your conscience be your guide. I know your love of Jesus God our Lord and Savior has guided your conscious mind through all this life and I love you more than words can ever say. Momma

    Liked by 1 person

  8. So sad to hear you are leaving…but may you find the strength and beauty among your detachment…wishing you peace, serenity…and the truth that washes over….at least do not leave without knowing…never was it a waste. never.

    Liked by 1 person

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