Thoughts…. 9/2/15

Into what darkness does this heart fall daily, as I remember the things that I’ve left behind or lost along the way.
The slow torturous burn of guilt and regret.
The tears of doubt and question that flow from the heart and soul.
Questions not of where I am but of how I got here.
Such woe lives deep in my heart and reminds me that I’m a drift in a sea of my own making yet forced upon me like
A pair of cement shoes.
Drifting…… Always drifting…. My heart, my mind and my soul.
To afraid to be hurt again and yet to afraid to climb this mountain alone….
The end.

*** pay no mind to the pain in these words. They are just words that fall from the sky and I  try to catch them before they fall to the ground and are forever lost in the depths of my mind.
At this point in my Parkinson’s progression it’s taken most of my “working memory” to be honest I’m scared as hell. Parkinson’s disease has this not so lovely feature where it acts like many other disorders. That’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to diagnose.
Anyhow later this month I will be showing what hopefully will be a new collection at the OHSU Parkinson’s symposium.

Benjamin.
“A life in progress”
2015

Ps. I could use some prayers sent my way. They just discovered that there is something wrong with my thyroid normally I wouldn’t worry to much but life has a way of kicking my ass every single time I try to succeed. I see the endocrinologist today at 2p pst.

Much love and light.
B.

The painting is a sneak peak of the background color and texture of my next project.

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14 thoughts on “Thoughts…. 9/2/15

    • Thank you my friend, I’m a tad more worried than I may lead on especially on FB, the Dr said he couldn’t see a blood supply to the nodule but recommend the radioactive iodine just to be safe. He said if it’s cancerous then the radiation will kill it and if not, it’s most likely Graves’ disease which is fully treatable and probably why I’ve been having such a bad time regulating with my PD meds.
      I hope you’re well.

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      • Dear Son; Ben if your thyroid count is low and you test for hypothyroidism, you will feel so tired all the time ..good they caught it..take a med every day without food like Synthroid which is the best but most expensive and you will feel better again I PROMISE. XXOO Love you more momma Your always in my prayers day and night.What is this about cancer???

        Liked by 2 people

  1. I guess you have to kick its ars even harder back!! Yes my friend, Not only I, but the prayer warriors also. You’ve made it this far, time to buy some steel-toe boots and give it all a what for eh! Mr. Ed

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As much healing and positive energy as I can spare is winging it’s way over to you dear Ben. I know what you mean about the working memory thing….I really miss the days I could remember what I was doing! my love to you as always xx

    Liked by 1 person

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