Made it……but at what cost..

It’s funny how life tests us. It tests our physical, mental and emotional strengths. I have to say though I’m tired of it. All this travel I think has finally taken it’s toll. I’m not sure if it’s the events that have unfolded or the shear volume of land crossed but I’m done.
It’s time to paint and write, settle into a routine I’ve yet to find and stop chasing dreams that take me far from home. I’ve given to much of my heart and soul away over the last 8 months often only to have it thrown back in my face. Twisted and used against me.
I started this site to find solace and peace as I tried to sort through having young onset Parkinson’s originally DX just after turning 41.

I’ve made some amazing friends all around the world and gone to see most of them. As I sit here this morning in the sleepy village of Clinton NY I wonder if any of it’s worth it. These days I find that the emotional toll of feeling so passionately and living a life that reflects it has become a burden I’m not sure I can bare anymore.
Mixed media


Honestly I’m not sure of the point I’m making here today, beside the simple sharing if my heart and soul as I’ve always done. Though these days I find more often than not I have to speak in ambiguity as to not offend or suffer the backlash of others in this place.
Tired…. I’ve grown so tired of the struggle..

These days I find I am no longer “Dreaming of Autumn”
I fear I’m no longer dreaming at all. It feels like everything I touch turns to rust and dust before my eyes and I’m not sure how to stop it from happening. Anyhow I’m done. I hope where ever you are and what ever life brings you that your well, loved and at peace. May all your dreams come true.

“A life in progress”



15 thoughts on “Made it……but at what cost..

  1. Hugs to you, Ben. I think an early autumnal melancholy is sweeping across the world at present, catching many in its mists and lowering sun. I love the painting at the top; it is so beautiful. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dreaming if Autumn is one of my favorites!
    I’m sorry this road trip has been so hard on you 😦
    Once you get home and back in your element I’m sure things will get better!
    Hang in there, and remember how amazing you are and how many lives and hearts you touch in a daily basis!
    Much love and (((hugs)))
    Me xx


  3. nothing to feel a failure over. the world keeps moving, seasons come and go, water flows, some things happen in black, some in white and many in gray. just find your comfort at home if that is what draws you, and know there is no way to control what happens only your reaction to it.


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