I could right write a thousand words about today and not a single one matter. Why? Because empathy only goes so far and sympathy runs it’s course. There are days in this human life that simply bare never repeating.
I’ve been trying to come to terms with the standard depression associated with being diagnosed with an “un curable progressive neurological disorder”
I’ve also learned that dealing with the depression stemming from my separation from M and the kids is normal, expected, natural. But I’ve got to say F&$)?! Really universe? Gimme a break. So yes today I’m weak, needy, insecure all the things I’m not normally. It’s a side of me I loathe. I’ve spent so much time in my life training my mind and body to push through this life and all the things that come with, making days like today pretty freakin crappy.
Why the ramble? You may ask.. Well I’ve started a sketch and photo manipulation project that will chronicle these depressing day. It will literally be a living breathing emotional, perpetual work in progress. Here is the first installment.
The idea here is on my dark days I will come here pour my sadness, weakness and weight I can’t bare with true pure raw emotion, leaving it, changing it and working through it here.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. – See more at: http://allpoetry.com/Do-Not-Go-Gentle-Into-That-Good-Night#sthash.w0xuP0Xm.dpuf
Below is a quote by Dylan Thomas that speaks more eloquently and more truly about what goes on inside my head than I could ever have hoped to find words for in this life.
“I hold a beast, an angel, and a madman in me, and my enquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, downthrow and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression”. Thomas was born in Swansea, Wales, on October 27, 1914. After grammar school he moved to London where, in 1934, his first book of poetry, Eighteen Poems, was published. – See more at: http://allpoetry.com/Do-Not-Go-Gentle-Into-That-Good-Night#sthash.w0xuP0Xm.dpuf
** Good resource link for depression and Parkinson’s disease.
Suicide prevention hotline:
“A life in progress”
Be brave..be bold…and thrive in the life you have, you never know when things will change.