Stuff and things ~ 7/26/14

Good morning, I hope the day has found you well. As so often I do I find myself pondering the point of this life, why is it that we are given these huge range of emotions and yet so often not the tools to deal with them? Recently I lost someone in my life whom I love very dearly. So I sit here wondering how do I get past that “again” how do I learn to fill that void?
Sadly I’m old enough to know I can’t. I know I will never fill the void of loss I can only learn to live with it. Hence back to my question why? Why are we given this depth o heart and soul if only to have it ( them crushed ) how can that possibly be good. Anyhow like many of my paintings it’s a process right, hour by hour minute by minute and day by day I suppose.

~~ Words~~
** Hearts on Fire**
There is calm that you bring to my busy mind
That no other can bestow.
A gentleness that flows from your heart
And fills my worried soul like no other.
It is with these simple and humble hands that I do paint and write these words of heart strings and things
These visions of color given weight
By the heart behind them.
There is no measure of thanks or soft words to imply the depth of my heart to yours or the length at which my soul soars amongst the angels in heavens high.
So for that I let my words and paint fill that void of “Hearts on Fire”

Despite the loss, ache and empty that I have in my heart right now I’m trying to think of the positive things I do still have in my life. I was just asked to speak at a disabilities conference in Portland Oregon August 10-12th. I believe the topic I’ll be speaking on is thriving in life despite having a disability. I also just accepted a seat on the board for the Parks department here in Salem. So things in most of my life are looking up I just wish I could get past the longing in my heart to be held.
I’ve been doing some roughy sketches for my next few paintings. Being up here in Portland at my friends garden has given me some interesting ideas. Keep in mine the drawings are just outlines at to where the second layer of linear texture will go. They will be in the same style as My Love and Healing Waters

Here is a quick look at some of the ideas.




My Path
Well my friends that’s about all I have today. I’ll be getting a ride back to the studio later today and will probably hide for a while.

“A life in progress”

12 thoughts on “Stuff and things ~ 7/26/14

  1. as open as your wound is right now, i see the slight beginnings of a path towards healing, in your words and your art. this is wonderful in its own way. baby steps, benjamin. )


  2. It’s scary and too relatable how that one thing can overshadow all other accomplishments or positive things in our lives. I don’t think others always understand how important that is.

    I don’t want to stop caring about people, but I also know I would feel better if I didn’t care so much. But then, I wouldn’t be “me” either.


  3. That is such an interesting question and I have pondered it myself many times. I think that earthly love always comes with an element of fear (small or large) in that we are concerned about what happens when the loved one is not there or strays or does anything to injure us because we cannot control what our loved ones do.

    This aggravation and fear builds up in our heart over time but seems to become apparent if the emotional body goes into shock upon loss or jealousy or cruelty and combines with the essence of what is in the heart because we can then actually feel it as a physical presence. Our heart aches, it feels heavy in our chest, we can’t breath properly.

    I suppose the scriptures say that the only relationship that doesn’t contain this fear element is the one between the individual soul and the Divine and it is urging us to pursue that one over all the others. I would add that the human instrument is now a refined and delicate one, evolved over centuries and a lot of what we do to each other has its consequences. If we hurt someone, not only do they feel it but it backfires into our own beings. Perhaps some of the answer is recognition.


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