Just to be clear and so it can be said.

Some may see my previous post as a celebration, sadly it is anything but. I’ve never dreamed only feared that I’d not be by my childs side nor not stand with my family. My new life is only the best outcome from a very sad and horrific situation. It breaks my heart a thousand times a day. But who do I wish to be in this life a warrior or a victim? Do I show my kids to simply lay down when life gets hard?? NO!! I must Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life I have. If not for myself then for them as they may not see it now but someday they will and I hope when they need strength the most they can search for that strength in the memory of their father.

cailín gaelach
To my Bonny Lass: I’m sorry I’ve failed you.
With eyes like emeralds I’m drawn so deep.
Into a place no demons can creep.
Hair like fire and skin so fair
Only she can take me there.
With a laugh and kiss our bond oh so deep.
Fifteen years in the making a promise a promise I keep.
For all of my days and all that come after
A vow that we made in front of a pastor.
Now my poor girl I feel that I’ve failed.
Your white knight has rusted my coffin half nailed.
I fight off the demons try to keep them at bay.
Slowly and surely they come as they may.
Taking my armor one piece at a time.
Falling like soldiers all in a line.
Till my last dyeing breath I promise to fight, no my sweet love “I will not go quietly into the night”
” For all of my days and all that come after”

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“May your days be bright and your nights be short. Go in love and light and a memory so bright that love may lead the way.”
Benjamin
2014

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20 thoughts on “Just to be clear and so it can be said.

  1. Your words… they seem to emanate from your deepest core. You are always brave and bold dear Benjamin. So brave that you are willing to share your heart with the world… So bold that you are able to express your emotions clearly, vividly and honestly through words and paint. I feel the sadness here, and also sense your burning passion to live and to love. I wish you only happiness and peace as you make this difficult transition. I believe you will thrive always.
    Love and Friendship,
    RL

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i hope you didn’t take my words, as any cheerful lessening of the pain you must be feeling, on many levels. i know it will be a hellish transition, but one that must happen and you will make the best of it. as for you son, you are hurt because of what happened to you as a child, and you as a husband and father, but your living apart from him does not mean that you will be any less a wonderful father to him.

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    • No offense was taken my friend. And yes the later statement is more true and well out than ever could have thank you. I’m taking a break from packing and doing a little painting. It’s like take a deep breath o clean air.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. i couldn’t help but feel this was spoken directly to my last comment on that post. i assure you i, of all people, realize the hell you are walking thru. i am sorry you might have misunderstood my trying to uplift your spirit. i’m not into celebrating your pain and sorrow, not then and not now.

    my blessings to you…

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  4. :,/ beautiful words on a painful and difficult subject. Dear Benjamin you are in my thoughts and prayers, you all are, your strength has shone through every step I’ve watched you take, your armour may have rusted but you will find a way to stand tall even so.
    Beautiful souls shine even through the darkest hours of their days
    Mel xx

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  5. My heart bleeds for you, Benjamin. I have not been around recently because of computer problems and am only able to work minimally from my mobile so I have been going back to catch up and am much saddened by this turn of events. I can’t pretend to be surprised as something in all your previous posts told me this was on the cards. Big hugs & love. XXXQ

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