It’s been so long I don’t remember the exact time or your I just remember you swinging from the bridge and I knew you had gone. A double noose did the trick preceded by euphoria and a needles prick. Gently in the summer breeze swinging so gently blowing in the trees. I did the right things and called the right people gathered them all to our neon lit steeple. I spoke at your wake and started to cry for I had just watched a part of me die.
*** Ode to Michael Shannon Douglas, I miss you Mike D. Sure could use your advice these days.
Today is a really huge step for me personally, emotionally. I’m giving up my call. Giving it back to M so that she can use it to better cultivate the family we started some 17 years ago. As a huge part of me breathes a sigh of relief to not bare the burden of the things that come with car ownership I’m also reminded of what Parkinson’s has taken from me. I’d held into the car after we separated so I could see my son after school but those things have now changed and my need for societal expectations has grown. Now today I give up one of my last personal freedoms, sure I can take a taxi or rent a car and in time assuming my body allows me to continue to drive I can get another car but for today, right now it feels like another thing to add to the list of things PD has taken from me. My career, family, my car. I don’t write these words out of self pity or woe is me, for they are just simple truths of my life and the journey I find myself on.
Today I will tend to my new home and try not to think of the things I want in my life, today I will try to simply be thankful for the things I have. Tomorrow I leave for Ottawa again to see if there if anything left to cultivate in my relationships with some amazing people I’ve met there, I will paint and write, love and learn. That being said, I hope wherever you are and how ever this finds you that in your life you too may always. Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have. Trust me things will change, they always do.
Much love an light.