Have you ever had those times in life where you really just didn’t want the sun to raise? Or have that next day come…..that’s kind of where I’m at. I’m not sure what to expect from moment to moment and I hate that feeling. I spent so many years making things “normal” and stable for myself and those around me that to have the carpet pulled out from under me has left me with this constant feeling of being sucked into a maelstrom of torment, angst and fear. I’m sure once I find a place to live and paint that things will stabilize. And really in the scheme of things I’ve been through worse. But to have such change forced upon you after 17 years is brutal and every time I get back to “normal” here comes that gut punch of reality. Separation from my spouse, the pain and harsh reality that is Parkinson’s disease. Honestly the fear of being alone. Anyhow on the positive side I have PT today which I hope will help my body feel better. I’ve a meeting with my Parkinson’s advocate on Wednesday and I’m going to hang a show at Cafe Volia in Portland Oregon this weekend. So life is not all bad just emotionally heartbreaking currently.
Anyhow after a night of waking every two hours in a panicked state only to find that yes my life really does suck this bad right now I’m going to get up and make som coffee. It’s bound to be 4a somewhere.
May the day be kind and gentle to you and you to it. For if not us, you, he, she, me and we then who??? For I will not go gently into this dark night!!!!