Paths change.. life’s web ebbs and flows in ways often unpredictable I think at time the best we can hope for is just to hold on for dear life and hope we come out on the other side intact or at least in some resemblance of what we thought we were before the maelstrom engulfs us fully.
Often with no recourse do we survive these things that life puts in front of us. I sit here today a man in limbo yet again. First Parkinson’s takes the life I knew away and forces me to reexamine my life. Now I prepare to set forth on what may prove to be the most intense soul searching deep and painful journey of my life. Being asked to leave my entire life as I now know it. I’m fearful because of my Parkinson’s and lack of real humans in my life. I’m fearful that my sons life will change in a way that will hurt him beyond what I can help him heal.
Today I sit hear In fear of the paint as I’m unsure if I’m ready to look those demons in the eye. Oddly though there is a calm inside me that can see a better tomorrow the part I fear is the fact that despite seeing a better tomorrow I can’t see the path to which to follow. So again I leap with blind faith that those who truly love me and that the universe will catch me as I shed this next layer. And try to become the man I was born to be.
I know of no other way to escape the pain, fear and heartache I’m feeling right now. So I apologize for filling your readers with such sorrow. I know my pain is no more great or less than any of yours and many of you have been through such things as well.
Thank you for your friendship, kindness and understanding as I work through these highly complex set of emotions.
Much love and light.