Life, the good the bad and all the stuff in between.

There are so many times in life where we simply don’t have control and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. Cars crash, loved one pass. People change and grow apart. Life has a funny way when it comes to the way it ebbs and flows.
On that note I have some very sad and upsetting news to share. As many of you know in 2011 after about a year of seeing doctors I was diagnosed with young onset Parkinson’s disease. I worked on and off at my “normal job” for as long as I could until it was clear between the side effects of the medication and the progression of the disease that I would no longer be able to be satisfactory at my job. I then made arrangements to retire. In my down time and absences from work I began painting at a feverish pace desperately searching to reclaim something that was “me” the old me that I had to put in the closet in order to raise a family as I thought they should be raised, steady income, house,wife, car and cats. In my search to be reborn I began to discover who I am at the core of my being. I’m a giver a gentleman a warrior and poetish painter. The same man I was when I started painting 37 years ago. Yes I’m old (ish) 43 currently. Over the course of the past 3 years my Parkinson’s and my personal life has changed a great deal some for the better and some not so much. Over the course of those three years my relationship with M has suffered a great deal and as to not make my entire personal life a matter of public information I’ll keep the details out. I will say to M. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more aware of the changes happening a they happened or change the direction. I’m sorry that our paths grew apart . But they did. You showed amazing control as you delivered the bad news to me and for that I’ll be forever thankful. And for those of you reading this if you haven’t caught on yes M and I are separating. In life and in marriage not all things grow and change in the same direction and we as a couple have reached a very sad and hurtful point one that I wouldn’t wish on any couple. The point where you love but no longer like or respect your partner.
I will keep painting, writing and posting it is at this point the only solid thing I have to hold on to. That being said I’m going to dry my tears and do my best to do what I ask all of you so often to do.
Be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have.

Namaste
Benjamin
A life in progress
1970-current

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29 thoughts on “Life, the good the bad and all the stuff in between.

  1. Oh B, I’m so sorry to hear that.
    As a recently separated person I can hear your pain, both physical and emotional.
    I hope you find relief in your painting, in your outpouring through expression.

    (Which reminds me, I really should get back to my clay men)

    Thinking of you xx

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  2. Good point with the blog. Why are we looking to create victims of ourselves and turning a blind eye to all that is wonderful. I kid around that I am going to be a grumpy old man. My idea is to confound and steer people into the mindset of looking past the negatives. Reverse psychology.

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  3. The dissolution of my first marriage was extremely painful, but provided me with a strength I wasn’t sure I possessed. Much love to you!!

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  4. Your friend is the passage of time. What is raw and degrading now will mull over until you can look back at the good times and remember only those. Like so many people who answer your blog, Ben, I have been in the same place. Keep going with practical things, every day for as long as you can. And remember that your blog does a lot of good for all who read it and who can say that wasn’t what you were meant to do anyway. Your artistic expression you use in the best way possible and not in any kind of a selfish way. Most days I remember you in my meditations. I have never met you in the flesh but just to read your poetry and see your expression of art is more of a communication than people I talk to every day. Cheers, Andreas

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    • My friend thank you, so very very much you speak a truth that is so true for it is only the passage of time that I do truly have on my side right now. Sadly I’ve had as most have had to use it’s existence to heal many wounds in my life. My life be kind to you and again many thanks to you.
      Sincerely
      Benjamin

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  5. Sometimes it’s hard, I know, but if you can just keep trying to find the positive in things, even if it is a tiny thing. Blessings to you my friend! Remember, you inspire so many with your art. I still get “lost” when looking at “Big Green” 😀

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  6. I’m sorry for you and your family Benjamin, as one Gemini to another – I understand. Pain will flow and subside, change will come and the avenues of direction revealed – you’re a fighter and survivor kind and gentle soul. As you walk through the fog, you’ll find your way ~ thinking about you, take care.

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