Something silver…

Something silver, Something blue… I find myself awake and running from myself. How does one still the madness and pain that is created from an incurable progressive neurological disorder??? Well let me tell you. You can’t I would never tell another human to suck it up and stand up, take charge and get over it, Sans maybe in the battlefield, but that’s another lifetime away and a story for another day. But I would and do say it to myself daily 100’s of times a day actually:

I’m a head/heart strong Irish bastard it’s pretty simple and for some reason God , Allah, Buddha whom ever one prays to decided to give me paint and the will to live. Right at this second in time my pain is 8-9 my jaw keeps dislocating, my elbows keep locking up
My Piriformis muscle is literally chocking the life out of my sciatic never. And I don’t give a sh!t, I will not give in. In 35 years of meditation I’ve learned that sometimes you must become what you fear. Embrace it let it wash over you completely before you can rise above it. So I will be pain today, sounds strange I know and I don’t expect anyone who doesn’t live with chronic pain to understand but the endorphins released from massive pain have a euphoric quality after a while , so hence running from it does me no good. Today I will step into the wind and be one with it. Enough said. Something silver:

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Something Blue:

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Thanks for letting me rant I know I must sound daft to those of you who don’t know me and I apologize for being so brash in my reality but it’s important for those who come after me to know what Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease can do. Ppl don’t talk about openly. They raise money for it, the raise awareness that it exists but nobody talks in a real voice about what it does to the body and minds of millions of young men and women. Anyhow I treasure you all so dearly and thank you for your kind words and loving embrace if I could gather you all for a giant hug I would.

Much love and light
Benjamin
2014

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28 thoughts on “Something silver…

  1. Good day, my friend. Ah chronic pain is a wicked teacher of sorts. Acceptance is the only way I’ve found to endure its relentless beating. I am not as strong as you however, given to major depression and toxic poisoning among other lovely stuff I find I cannot manage. What to do but break out my chocolate stash! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Stay warm and keep painting. I love your silvery veining….

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  2. Pingback: Something silver… | meighanson

  3. Everything I write seems so twee against the strength of the pain you are in. So. From my heart. I’m glad you tell us. Show us what is going on in your life and yet show you can still create such beauty amongst it all. You are an amazing person. Thank you for your openness. I’d step into the wind and stand beside you. T x

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  4. “Today I will step into the wind and be one with it” <—– This!
    (<3 as they say in the language of Faciem Liber ) ๐Ÿ˜€
    Virtual {{{hug}}}. (Seven weeks and counting for the real deal!) xx

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  5. It does sadden me when I see other ones in pain especially when it is a pain that mankind cannot erase. I am much older than you (57) and I have been living in pain now for 30 yrs since I was discharged from the Army. Lightning messed me up, they didn’t need me any more. I would like to say, and maybe even believe, that things get better with time but that would be a lie. But I do wish you well by God’s grace.

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  6. Ooh, but you are NOT alone! Once we reach 40 the calendar claims us… We suffer from one thing or the other and it’s not fun. Hang in there, pumpkin. We’re here for you. I’m here for you always! Careful with those “mindgasms” I read about earlier! LOL…

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