Are we there yet???

I must admit that’s how life has been feeling these past few weeks. I feel like I ended the year really strong as a person and as an artist, I guess it’s one in the same really. Momentum kept going through the first off the year then physically, mentally and spiritually I feel like I’ve hit wall.
It’s kind if like sitting on the edge of a cliff as I watch the ideas poor out of my mind an endless sea o colors and words yet for some reason I can’t quite reach them.

I’d like to think that every artist goes through these periods of self analyzation and doubt. At least I hope they do. I have been able to produce some small works that I have as gifts today I believe they fit the people whom they were given but I just can’t seem to shake this doubt or lack of heart I’ve been feeling as of late. Most of you know I detest the business end of art. I was in ” business” for 25 years and was very successful at it, those days I painted on the side maybe doing one or two pieces a year. So I’ve done business and honestly I have no desire to get back into it. I’ve dedicated the rest if my remaining life to the empowerment of people through art, the healing of souls through words and paint. To raise awareness of Parkinson’s disease. Yet here I sit looking blankly at the Coral piece trying to decide if it’s even worth finishing.

Since I mentioned them I’ll show you as they’ve already been delivered these are the only photos of them.


This first piece is called
“Whimsy, the sea and me”
11×14 w/o frame
Mixed media
I went to a person whom I find deep as the ocean and colorful as a rainbow.


This piece is called
“Do you see what I see”
11×14 w/o frame
Mixed media
This piece went to a person whom I believe doesn’t see the gift they are to the world. Neither of these people I know every well but both of then have extended much kindness to me and this was the best way I know how to repay that kindness. I still though can’t shake this feeling of emptiness. Hopefully this coming weekend with my brothers will re-inspire my passion or at least give me a better grip to which I can hold onto some of these visions I’ve been having. I don’t know maybe it’s the depression or the Parkinson’s or maybe the meds. I guess I’ll keep painting and see what happens right? Well I hope the world has been kind to you on this fine day.
As always be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have.



25 thoughts on “Are we there yet???

  1. i’m sorry you’re feeling down, benjamin. life ebbs and flows, it’s the natural rhythm of things. i think the coral is worth finishing, and the gifts are priceless and that you will once again paint yourself out of your corner. enjoy your brothers )


  2. I’m pretty sure all artists go through constant doubt. Most don’t even see themselves as artists from what I’ve seen. You will come back with painting. You’ve had an incredibly intense few months, maybe now that things are settling a bit you’re crashing. Be nice to yourself like you are to everyone else and have a wonderful time with your brothers.


  3. I suspect all creative artists go through the doubt, the sadness, the elusive muse and so forth – and I do wonder, sometimes, if the light actually shines more intensely through such temporary cracks: that it is our alignment with, our empathy for, the darker tones of our vast humanity which gives rise to the truest and most heart-felt song of that little muse of ours. I love your paintings, B, and your words always touch me. Hugs. Ali xxx


  4. Stuck in a similar place artistically and personally, I feel your words deeply B. I know you’ll find your way through. The light that you shine onto others is alive in you… Take a breath, enjoy your family, regroup and revive. kei xo


      • Awe… thank you, pumpkin! Lovely to see you too! In fact, it’s my pleasure! Been having “heart” issues which seem to be NOT the problem, but a consequence of taking generic antidepressants. Panic attacks trigger my heart during sleep… Doctors and I are taking measures which hopefully will produce a definite diagnosis… Sigh. Calendar is taking its toll… LOL πŸ™‚


      • I’m so sorry to hear that 😦 and yes no generics. They tried that with my pain meds and bad things happened. I hope your okay. I hate to think if anything bad happening to you.


      • Awe… you’re so sweet, thank you!!! Been on edge, yes. Hopefully, panic attacks will disappear with the new medication… broke, yes, but mentally healthy. πŸ˜‰


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