Silence in the face of depression

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That’s how I started my day. It’s gotten a bit better since then but somedays it’s best I’m quiet. I try everyday to put aside my own personal pain and internal conflicts and be a beacon of hope, love, strength and courage. Sadly I have many of my own demons, Parkinson’s disease, chronic central nerve pain, depression are the big ones. Insecurities about my life as a human, painter , poet. I did manage to climb out of my pit long enough to cut many panels.

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I prepped with base and texture (2) 24×24 panels and (2) 9×12 ‘s and a 12×24″ so hopefully when I have my tough mornings I’ll be able to put on my music and paint my blues away.

Today was one of those days where I’m just simply tired of having Parkinson’s. I’m tired of the pain, instability , cognitive changes and medications.

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I’ll be starting 5 pieces tomorrow 3 I’m not going to talk about and two more Coral pieces:

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This panel is an example of one base coat of sealant and the initial Coral texturing. I look forward to sharing the growth of the next stages of these pieces. Tomorrow is a physical therapy day plus my normal chauffeur and house hold duties so I’m not sure if I’ll get much or any me time. If I’m lucky enough to make it happen I’ll be sure to share it. Well…. It’s time for me to tend to the house requirements. I hope your day was good and that the universe was kind and generous to you and you to it .
Much love and respect .
Benjamin
2014.

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38 thoughts on “Silence in the face of depression

  1. Shit, man. Completely understandable that there will be days like this. Glad you know that you are indeed a beacon, burning brighter than you probably realise. Have one of these {{{hug}}} from me and one {{{hug}}} from wee Ann, till we can give you the real thing in the flesh (so to speak… 😉 ) Stay strong, brother. You are loved. xx

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  2. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. My husband suffers from depression and chronic pain as well, being witness to the struggles he faces due to these ailments I am always encouraged when I see others like yourself and him finding a way to fight through it. Be it painting, writing, sharing, loving…. thank you for that.

    xo

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      • I’m hanging in there thanks! I’m a bit down at the moment cuz I know how many laws my EX-stepbrothers broke while they were busily stealing my mother’s money, and yet the system says it’s not criminal. I thought stealing and opening someone else’s mail was a Federal offense. They kept it 2 months and then they even wrote on the paper that was obviously addressed to my mom, at her new place. Our illustriously post office said it isn’t their responsibility once they deliver it and since I don’t know how he got it, they won’t do anything until I get a Judge to say he’s guilty. ($15,000 dollars later) LOL Oh well… such is life… Karma will catch up to them all.

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  3. With everything you go through on a daily basis no one expects you to always fight through it completely unscathed. That being said you are such a strong, inspirational person and I completely understand how you feel on days like this. ♥
    Love and hugs. I hope the days ahead are kinder emotionally if not physically.

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