Thoughts of the day.

God morning, afternoon and evening, I hope the day HS found you well. Today I’m a bit reflective as I watch the dawn chase the night sky away. For the next two days will consist of physical therapy where we will be doing testing. Often it’s hard and painful physically because I give it my all, every so often though it’s hard emotionally. Why? You may ask. In most PT scenarios there is the expectation that one will get better. You go in broken and your team weeks hard weekly to improve your strength and balance your range of motion what ever it be that your there for. In my case there is no expectation of better only the slight hope and chance that we will be able to fight and maintain some sort of regular movement and strength to my body.

On test day I’m sadly reminded that my chart reads like a stock market crash.

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Though don’t get me wrong to isn’t a bad day. It’s actually a fine day full of possibilities yet experienced. It’s just every once in a while I’m reminded that Parkinson’s disease is simply a incurable progressive neurological disorder, meaning I won’t get better I’ll get lots worse. The reason for my ponderous thoughts today is prior to PT I have speech therapy where I’ll be doing my preliminary “swallow” test in perpetration for the “big” test up at OHSU tomorrow. Normally it would be no big deal I’ve had so many tests,MRI, X-ray and EKG, ECG etc over the past few years what’s one more right? Well this test is because the Parkinson’s is starting to effect my ability to swallow, form words correctly and other not so fun things I’d rather not talk about. It’s here I’m brought back to the progressive part of this disorder. Kind of a bummer. On the bright side I’ve been continuing to work on the new Coral series and I’m happy with its overall imagery. Here’s a peak this far.

20140122-055723.jpg I’ve added some color and redefined the dark blue. This morning I went back over it with some fine grain sand paper and cadmium yellow then another layer of dark blue. I my post later after pt the results of those efforts. With any luck I’ll have a tad bit if energy left later and I’ll continue to work on the other piece connected to the blue. Oh and just remembered today I get to pickup “New Moon” from the framers. I’m very excited to see how she looks in her new party dress.
Well enough chat for this morning I’m going to go see if I can’t paint a bit more before my tasks require my full attention. I hope where ever you are and what ever your doing that you are happy, safe and loved. I would ask if your not, then why? And maybe it’s time to make changes towards living the life you want instead of excepting the one you have.

Much love
Benjamin

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10 thoughts on “Thoughts of the day.

  1. it must be hard to think about the future in those terms, all you really have is now, and this goes for any of us. my wish is that is not too hard for you to bear. and i hope you are happy with your beauty when you pick her up from the framers. like a proud papa.

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