A muse less morning….

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Given the lack of stars above..
The fog has stayed for days..
Such darkness cold and loneliness
Lives only in the hearts of men and monsters .
As I search the electric light of the universe for strength
signs of love, peace and tranquility.
A body full of pain and fear
as one paints a pretty face to keep the demons at bay .
Tired of playing games tired of life’s trials they say “what does not kill us makes us stronger”.
My question is then a Sir/Madame
How strong does one need to be? And why ?
Why not kill me where I stand as you’ve done my father and fathers father.
Why slowly crush my life from the inside out?
Such pondering wandering a on this starless morning.
No moon to flirt with no wanten kisses.
To lose thoughts upon…
Just paint and pills, dots and dashes.

B~xx
2014

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20 thoughts on “A muse less morning….”

  6. the moon is ever vigilant, though you may not see it at times. as for why? because you have so much left to give to yourself and to the world, and i’m only so sorry that you have to endure such pain in order to do so.

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  7. I’m one of those whose weight of life grows wearisome because of pain and loss of my dreams. Looking at beautiful artworks is one solace. Creating some digital ones is another. I’m not strong enough any more, alas, to be upright long enough to do hands-on art. I have to cling to the promise from Jeremiah, “For I know what plans I have for you, says the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.” I hope I may always see “the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living,” but if not, then there will be no tears or this great sorrow, or pain, in heaven. My part is to keep trusting the God of the Holy Bible, that his promises are true. (And I can’t even do the trusting, the resting in him. He promises to equip me in that direction, as well. Sometimes I feel so low, I fear my todays and the future. But sometimes when I just keep telling him I’m willing to trust him, the emotions do lift, even though the bodily situation doesn’t. May that be so for you, as well, Benjamin.) I don’t know what plans God has for you, but he’s allowing you to soak in his beauty through your painting.

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    • Yes it’s hard to say what his plan is, but his given me a second chance to use the gift I was given as a child and I will not waste it. I’m sorry your body fails you. It’s a strange and terrifying thing to watch isn’t it. I just had a chat with my neuro about how I remember just a few years ago I was strong and steadfast in body and mind . Though now I watch as all my faculties faultier. It ignites fear like wildfire in the mind. And then I paint and time and the world fades away even if for a moment things are okay..

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  9. Perspective can change – from one moment to the next – suddenly we can see or feel something new and unexpected, and sometimes things get very uncomfortable & dark. In that darkness, we must remember that our world may well become bright again. Ben, I know this is going to be a good year for you with regard to your passion and your paint. I know that you will find the strength and focus necessary to direct your energies where they will serve you most. I believe in you, as do so many here who have embraced you unconditionally.
    Your friend and admirer always, RL

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