This heart

I’m done being judged by those who haven’t taken the time to know me. Those who judge me unfairly to save their own asses. To those of you I’m my life. Reading this wondering what’s up…. Nothing is up . Something I thought I could bieve in I cant. I want to sooooo bad. But it isn’t real , it’s a thing like me.jaded and. Broken living life through the lenses of those more broken than we. I love you I always will. But I can’t believe I’m someone who doesn’t believe in me. You get what you give. Because I’m down proving my value. Good bye.

Once I wrote a word or two… Then more came to at hello.. these are for you.

Into the vast abysmal plane I cast gaze for a thousand times nine times ninety nine millennia.. Waiting, watching, wanting for something else, something, someone a soul to hold close and dear just once more.

Back from the darkest place you’ve ever been I have returned. The coldest places in the human soul past our hearts and minds, past the fluffy feel goods of our conscious mindful soul… To the places we hide in as children, to darkest hiding cubbies in ones soul. This is where I’m found , home to know one home to me…

Then a glimmer of hope.. So far away.. I dare not dream of a day this rock will bare the weight of another soul. A purpose for which I have been assembled through the years of failures and tribulations.. Yet I remain, still full of fire, still unquenchable in desire for life’s sweet embraces. Forever haunted of home…. Home, this elusive place in my heart where once I lived. I was kind and generous there. Abundance thrived and we thought we were whole.. yet I was not , I was broken beyond repair of what I knew., And I knew nothing .

Now we sit here gazing across the world and the spaces in-between wondering what do we do next. How does this door open and close , how do we not shake in fear and arresting motion for the panic of the unknown tender heart that cried for forgiveness in the darkest of rain soaked nights . Now are hearts bleed again , the low thump, thud of a angles broken heart, wings beat in the invisible ethers of the hopes hell. Waiting for forgiveness to give way to this hearts pain. Love not the beast that Iv become but the man inside that takes it eachday for I love you more than this heart could ever bare to speak in any tongue…. Good night, I hope you hear me. Benjamin M Prewitt