Over the past 3,4 years as many if you know I’ve been doing the “Coral” series. I’m not sure exactly how many I’ve done other the years but I do know they’re all out there in the world. Sold or given away. Over the course of 2014 lots in my life changed. From massive traveling to major life changing events and then there’s the whole Parkinson’s thing. The piece that I’ll show here today “The Last Coral” will be and is the last of the coral series that I’ll be doing. Now I may try using a different technique at some point but my days of using a liner brush #0 or #1 I’m pretty sure those days are done sadly. The tremors have gotten to the point that when doing fine motor skill pieces my hands just don’t cooperate that well anymore. I guess it a good thing I paint mostly with a pallet knife and painters rag. Well I suppose we should take a look at this final piece. The Last Coral
Below are the customary close ups.
There we have it, it’s been an amazing adventure with the coral series and I look forward to figuring out a way to continue this series using a different process. Until next time then. Please remember to always, Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have….
Let’s talk shall we…. It’s been a while, won’t you please come in. I hope you’ve been well and life hasn’t been to hard for you. As usual these days it feels as though I do more living and less living all at once. Paintings more detailed yet small, words less written but more strong and full of heart. Yet my head finds no leave today a I’m faced with my life as it was as it is and how is like it to be.
For years I strive for one goal. For others to be strong, stronger than me or what I thought was me. I chased the dream of being human the dream of 2.5 kids a house, car, dog 2 cars and farm….. Then one day I realized I had it. And at that moment I lost it all. So let’s talk about fear, what are you afraid of? What am I afraid of? Failure and being alone are mine. Today I saw my son for a few brief hours and even with as much love as I have for him, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with the feeling of failure. Failure to him and his sister, failure to M and the life I used to have. The life I spent MY lifetime building. Compounded by my second largest fear, the fear of being alone with my demons. Today was and is a very silent day in the life I have now.. More quiet than it’s been in along time and far more quiet than I care for it to be. Really if I wanted to be alone I’d move to NY or the mountains. Being a painter or poetish person comes with the obligation to feel, to feel deeply, madly, passionately and then express it in a way that others can relate to…. Hopefully lol. Otherwise fade away into the darkness of my life.
So many thoughts about the future these days… A future alone? A future with Parkinson’s. Do I move to the coast and become a reclusive artist with a giant beard and skin covered in tattoos? So many questions.
I used to fear change more than anything, now it seems that change is the only real thing I can count on. I’m tired of worry, I’m tired of this life yet it’s the only one I know. I paint, I write and I hope I wake up one more time. Beyond that it often feels like I’ve no idea wtf I’m doing. Not traveling for the end of this year is going to be one of the hardest yet hopefully rewarding things I’ll have done for myself in a long time. It will be the first time in my children’s lives that we’ve not been together for the holidays, so I firmly believe if I can make it through this season… I’ll survive anything. Well I’ve got to go, one of the things I haven’t talked about is why I don’t post as often as I used to…. I simply can’t. I can’t sit or have my arms bent that long anymore without a great deal of pain.. Bummer… But today is different, I needed this, I needed to spill my words and heart here again as I used to. I needed to feel at home somewhere in my life and this is where I came.
To those of you who read this thank you and to those of you who know me, don’t worry…
Please do me one small favor, in your life. Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Find love, find laughter for your heart and soul. Fill each day with the things that give you joy. For that my dear friends is what life should be about.
“A life in progress”
Places and faces:
My mind races, faces, places
Who is that in the mirror
dear find my face
Replace this man that i see me rushed and hushed
Pushed pulled pried and peeled
do you hear what I mean
stream flow go slow
peace..release..pause, claws at my mind unwind relax attacks
panic shower flower bloom consume the day dismay stay away
the earth spins to fast
at last a ride home
comb toothbrush and rest best flow to those who know
gone spawn dreams as it seems lost child of mine me
did you see what I see stars a far calm….. Done…. Gone fishing….. Go home….. Good bye…. Flyaway…bye bye….shy,why,me….at sea….let it be,let it be.. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be…..
When life was young and carefree. When the wars of man, body and mind where unknown. Just simple whispers in the dark, ghost and nightmares of a younger mans thoughts and fears. Then we are born screaming into this madness of hellhole. Hi, yes I’m in one o my dark moods today. These days that edge is so paper thin. The further I get from the life I had the more angry and tired I get. Today I’ve been working on a piece I’m calling “Conflict”
This next piece has been completed and is waiting to be hard mounted into it’s frame.
Back to basics
15″ x 18″ framed
Bmp west coast studio
I’d like to say I’ve spent the day creating and being carefree but I’m afraid that didn’t happen. I seem to have stumbled upon some dark clouds I can’t seem to kick but as I’ve said before and so often in this life have learned to count on. Everything changes, tomorrow is another day and another chance to make all ones dreams come true.
Until we meet again please try to be kind to one another, for if not us, then who? Cheers
Again it feels like I haven’t been here for a while. Life has a way of whisking us up into it’s vortex an dropping is so far from home… But then every great adventure should lead one to many strange lands and meet as many fantastic people as possible. Lately my PD has been both good and bad. My body has been semi cooperative but my headspace is lost “Squirrel”!!!! Honestly it’s pretty bad. But slowly I’m getting all my systems back in place and hopefully by the new year I’ll have things sorted.
As far as Art is concerned I’m at the final stages of the two commissioned pieces I’ve been working on. The red piece has since been completed during the process of me writing this post.
The Blue/Green piece is going up in tonight’s show as a work in progress with any luck it’ll open the conversation door about the process.
And the close up and personal pic.
Anyhow I’m late for PT so I best be off. Here is a sneak peak at my next post Solo Show
As always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have. You never know when it’s going to change.
Things I see and how I see them:
Time’s a funny thing. Then it comes to life we are so often racing towards the next thing. “Off to the bus, just about time for lunch, TGIF”, all these saying are deadline or per say place card or mini milestones in our days. That turn into weeks then months……. And then the years start to flow on by.
Occasionally I like to think I step out of that “go to”, “next step” life. Lately even though my life has felt more busy that ever I have found some small moments in time and life that I’d like to share. This first set of images I intend to turn into a grey scale collection of large abstract paintings.
*The names or titles given these photos may or may not change.
I’ve been working on three commission pieces as of late all of which are at critical places in their development yet the changes to most I’m sure would seem nominal. So sorry about the lack of posts as of late. I mean really I’m not even that excited to write about the 65th layer of glaze or varnish. Anyhow I digress. I’ve been really trying to find some balance in my life lately. I can’t say I’ve been very successful but the adventure has been once in life time. I hope where ever you are when you read this that your well and thriving in the life you have.
***time has elapsed since I started this post so for now I’ll bid you adieu and hope you know you’re loved in this life. It’s time to paint.
“A life in progress”
Ps. More paint coming soon.
In between real life and what I call real life there’s a time I paint. Sometimes it’s two minutes sometimes it’s two days without sleep, enough whiskey to make Charles proud and enough tears to make Plath smile. Life has been going by so quickly these days I feel like I’m hardly painting but then I realize that I’ve never really stopped. Someone asked me the other night if I show my work… An it made me think of all the lives I’ve been blessed to know and come in contact with. How many pieces of original artwork I’ve strewn across this world… The question made me smile and I replied “Yes, I show my work.”
Living a life with a un-curable progressive neurological disorder illness isn’t the way I planned to spend the rest of my life but at least I can say when it’s all said and done that I live, loved, painted and wrote with all that I was. I hope in your lives you too can feel what’s it’s like to live. Not without fear, worry or pain, but live through it to the amazing freedom that lives on the other side.
Please enjoy the current works in progress.
And as it so often happens during the course I me putting this post together the above piece has changed so more photos will follow but may be out of context….sorry.
Then we have the blue/green that is for the same group of people.
This piece is funny to photo, due to the layering it’s really hard to get a full body shot that actually captures the depth that’s going on within this piece, so one close up is in order so that you may better see what I see.
Then completely out of order :-/ we have the most recent photo of the red/yellow work:
More in line with how this post started, I’d like to remind everyone myself included. To always
Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have. It’ll change.. So hold on to the people and places that made or make your heart smile. It’s a long but fast journey that we have on this planet. Make it the best day ever….
Those who know me in the real world know I practice random acts of kindness all the time. At certain times of the year they are not so random ( Christmas donation of hat/gloves/scarves ). Those who know me in the real world also know that time and dates/days have very little impact on my life. With time being relative and technically the date and days are so far off from the actual universal clock what does it matter…. But that’s an all together longer topic than I care to type out on my phone…. Anyhow those who know me know that if it didn’t happen today then my normal go to phrase is “the other day” which day?? Hell if I know lol, but it wasn’t today that much I do know.
So the other day ;) I was at my friends restaurant and lounge. Kraftworks and I ran into a group of people who were admiring one of the paintings I have up. I was introduced to the table, we chatted enjoyed a pleasant conversation then I went on my way. Later that evening while at Maven, I ran into this group of people once again… Yes Salem is a small town when you live,work,play within a 3 block radius. So here I am making small talk at the bar when I decide this very charming group of people need a bottle of wine, from me :) as I’m leaving I have the wine delivered because I really don’t want it to be a big deal. Yes it was good wine, I probably should of joined them but that wasn’t the purpose. In complimenting me on my work and being very kind in general they made me happy. I figured I’d return the “warm fuzzy” feelings via wine. I left…the wine was delivered I figured that would be the last I’d hear of it. Well this morning,very early I receive a txt saying that some art appreciators had come by and left something at the restaurant for me and it had now been slid under my door.
Not only is the card a beautiful vintage photo of a Hawaiian beachfront hotel but all three people wrote some truly kind things. Which by the way is a wonderful way to start any day.
Words I woke to:
Benjamin, I wanted to reiterate just how amazing your work is. Your piece in Kraftworks blew my family and I away. Thank you for the surprise at Maven. You’re a beautiful soul and it was such a pleasure to met you.
So today started right. As far a the ole Parkinson’s adventure goes….it could be better but I can’t really complain. Well I could complain a lot but it wouldn’t change anything nor would it really serve any purpose. On the up side my assistant is settling in nicely to her role in my life, I have an intern starting on a regular basis very soon and I’m looking into a paid position for someone local to act in a “caregiver” status to help shuttle my ass to Dr appointments,groceries and errands that come up. I’ll know next week what piles of paperwork I need to do to make that happen.
Thanks for coming by today as always it was lovely to see you, I’ve missed you being here with me. I hope where ever you are and what ever your doing that it brings you joy. Life is to short to spend a great deal of time unhappy.
That being said,
Much love and light.
“A life in progress”
Of all the souls I’ve kissed and missed yours is by far the brightest, said the moon to the sun.
Ive started this post a hundred times over the past few days. I’ve been home for a week and I have to say I’m more relaxed and at peace then I’ve been for a long time. Normally when I write or express myself there is a great deal of internal struggle that I’m expressing. Though if I thought about it for a minute or two in could easily come to a place of angst but honestly it not a place it want to be right now. The piece I’ll show below is something we’ve been watching evolve over the past month, it was signed and edged this morning. The lighting is a bit funky but you’ll get the gist.
This piece started as a commission piece and has morphed into a multi piece project. The Phoenix Rising , tells a visceral story of transformative change. A violent and explosive birth back into the life of the perceptual universe.
18 x 22
Ink and Acrylic
That being said I’ve a huge weekend coming up, I have my pa flying in and a local intern spending the weekend at the studio. The 13,14 we have the WVOST tours starting. Today will be about spending time with paint, prints and people that make my world a better place to be. Something to remember…. Wherever you are and whatever your doing know one thing.. Your loved and cherished. Life is big place hold onto the people that give your strength, motivation and inspiration to be the best person you can be.
Until we meet again, please remember to Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have. you never know when it will change.
Good Morning/Afternoon and evening. I hope the the day has found you well, respected and cherished.
It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve written anything of content here and I apologize for that. Life as I know and knew it has changed so drastically over the past 5 months I’m not even sure where to begin. Though I’ll say one things for sure. If life ever was trying to teach me a lesson it’s about change and how to fully embrace it. When I first was DX with Parkinson’s disease back in 2011 I was pretty sure that things couldn’t get anymore intense. Funny how wrong one can be some times ;)
Over the course of the past months I think I’ve learned more about myself then, than in the past 5 years. I’ve learned about and dealt/embraced some of my demons. Finding that some of the things we often run from are in truth the very core elements of what makes up our human soul and perceptual universe. **not to sound to heady** there have been times over the past 5 months that I’ve walked so far outside my comfort zone I wasn’t even sure what to call these new places I’ve been,internally speaking. I’ve found that by fully embracing who I am it has brought a peace and calm that I’ve not seen in my life in years. So yes change will come sometimes hard and fast, but it doesn’t have to completely suck all the time.
Right then, let’s get on the painty things that I’ve been working. Now I’ve only been back for 4 full days so my productivity levels haven’t really kicked is they often do but never fear there be paint.
The first peek is a commissioned piece I’m just about complete, today more than likely.
**In brief the story behind this piece is about overcoming change and celebrating new accomplishment. “A Phoenix rising from the sea of change“
Next we will see a very large figurative piece that I’ve been slowing adding to little by little.
**This pieces story will remain a secret until I’m further along. Though I do hope to be finished with it by December.
Then we move onto a tiny little thing I’ve been playing with. Please do keep in mind that all of the paintings shown here today ARE WORK IN PROGRESS.
Then we come to the purple figure which I actually had a rather epiphanic moment on that in which I’ll share in an entirely new post at some point.
Besides those pieces I don’t really have a ton going on right now which feels a tad odd. Hopefully today I’ll spend some time prepping some new panels and cleaning up the studio a bit since the “W.V.O.S” tour starts on the 13th.
That being said my dear friends I’ll bid you adieu for the time being. I hope that wherever you are and what ever it is that you do, that all your dreams come true. Please remember to always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have, for one never when things will change. And change they will.
Last but not least I forgot to mention I hung the second piece as Kraftworks tap house last night.