There is a time and place for everything they say…..
And tonight brought tears to my eyes.
The crickets here in the upper northeast are in full swing tonight
And I’m missing someone very dear to me. Someone I’ll probably never see again in this life and the crickets seem to know.
I took a walk up the lane after supper only to find myself drifting in thought until I came across the “Blarney Stone” playing my sweet Irish tunes live in the pavilion. The little ones were dancing as the elders tapped their toes. There were smiles all around except in my eyes. My music, me being made up of a bag of welsh and Irish. As the crickets softly sing. eich bod yn torri fy nghalon
No tune can shine these blue eyes tonight. No smiles can lift a broken heart.
Some losses are to great to bare alone and some are simply to great to bare.
Tonight’s a night I wish I was stone. Cold and could turn it off make it go away. Bury my pain in a pit and walk away, run away as fast as I could…. If I could….I would….
But instead I write here to you all of you to bare witness to these things of mine that should be put in a box and tossed in the basement with the mementos of past lives… And maybe with some luck they will be, but not tonight. Tonight I will cry with the crickets and drink with the devil. And my god forgive me in the mornings light.
Soon I’ll be on my way for one last trip, one last visit to the Kemper museum one last trip to the local coffee house. At least I can say with no confusion or misguided communication that Saint Louis has treated me very well. I’ve been out 3-4 times over the past few years and have always been treated with the utmost respect and care. It always makes me a bit melancholy when a chapter in my life closes but in this case the door that closes is just re opening in another part of the world and I’ll be more than happy to follow that path. Please join me in looking at the collection of art that came from my time in Saint Louis. Similar to the Ottawa collection, but dare I say a bit more impact full.
So today I give a special thanks to my friends in STL for your unyielding friendship and constant support in my journey, my heart and my Art. See you in a week or so to help close one door and open another. Well there’s no time to rest. I delivered Healing Waters yesterday and today is one of the few days I have free. So as always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Much love and thanks to those of you who have supported me without hesitation, I couldn’t do this without you.
Rising above the situations in our lives that cause us pain you’d think would be easy right? It’s kind of a knee jerk reaction, you touch something hot or sharp you’d think one wouldn’t continue that behavior right? With physical stuff it’s easy, sharp=cut=pain= not touch :-/
But with emotional stuff at least on my end it seems not to be that easy. Could be the pd meds could be that I’m an idiot who thrives on self abuse (more likely) either way it’s an interesting journey to be on. To observe my emotional openness and vulnerability yet at the same time desire to close everything and simply fade away.
This morning I spent some time working on more glazing and micro layers of yellow and white.
This was after 12 plus hours drying time and 4-5 more layers of varnish.
Since these photos were taken I’ve started the second layer of texture used to create the Lotus flower itself but those pics are for the next installment of “The Process” I had the pleasure today of hanging one of my larger painting “The Long Road” at a friends restaurant/tap house.
Well that’s about all I have to share today. It’s been kind of a rough PD day which tends to make me feel a bit more alone than usual. As always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Hello and welcome back, it’s always lovely to see you. Today I’ll be posing a question to all that stop by. I’ll soon be making some post and gift cards also some small prints of my work. They will be for sale at the august 6th function and the September Open studio tour. So here’s where you come in. I’m going to post a number of pre-selected pieces and I’d like to know what you think. Keep in mind I’d like to sell these small pack for 5-10-20 usd.
Dreaming of autumn
Fine art of abstraction
With any luck I’ll be able to get a poll in here and we can get an idea of what pieces gain more interest.
now if I’ve done this correctly there should be 1-9 selections plus an other button on the poll.
1. Dreaming of Autumn
2. Heart Broken
left to right ending with
for those of you who would like to have a larger voice in the selection process please press the other button and leave a comment. Let me know which piece(s) you’d like to see.
Thanks again for everything, and always remember to please Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in you life.
It’s been so long I don’t remember the exact time or your I just remember you swinging from the bridge and I knew you had gone. A double noose did the trick preceded by euphoria and a needles prick. Gently in the summer breeze swinging so gently blowing in the trees. I did the right things and called the right people gathered them all to our neon lit steeple. I spoke at your wake and started to cry for I had just watched a part of me die.
*** Ode to Michael Shannon Douglas, I miss you Mike D. Sure could use your advice these days.
Today is a really huge step for me personally, emotionally. I’m giving up my call. Giving it back to M so that she can use it to better cultivate the family we started some 17 years ago. As a huge part of me breathes a sigh of relief to not bare the burden of the things that come with car ownership I’m also reminded of what Parkinson’s has taken from me. I’d held into the car after we separated so I could see my son after school but those things have now changed and my need for societal expectations has grown. Now today I give up one of my last personal freedoms, sure I can take a taxi or rent a car and in time assuming my body allows me to continue to drive I can get another car but for today, right now it feels like another thing to add to the list of things PD has taken from me. My career, family, my car. I don’t write these words out of self pity or woe is me, for they are just simple truths of my life and the journey I find myself on.
Today I will tend to my new home and try not to think of the things I want in my life, today I will try to simply be thankful for the things I have. Tomorrow I leave for Ottawa again to see if there if anything left to cultivate in my relationships with some amazing people I’ve met there, I will paint and write, love and learn. That being said, I hope wherever you are and how ever this finds you that in your life you too may always. Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have. Trust me things will change, they always do.
A special thanks to all of you who have helped make my life worth living. May all your days and nights be forever filled with the love and light you’ve brought to mine.
I’ve tried to not post pics of you personally but hopefully through some of these images you’ll know who you are. Though there are some faces I’ll use no names. One thing and do know this, if your reading this then you where meant to.
Many of you know about some of the most private details of my life at this point..
Some of you would even say I’ve over shared…
I guess that’s the beauty of what happens here we all have a choice. To come together under a common bond and share the joys and
sorrows of each others lives. Some to comment, some to watch from the shadows and judge. Either way I made a decision when I first started
blog to be open. Many people forget that this site didn’t start as an Art blog but as my personal journal cataloging my life and struggles with coming to
terms with Young Onset Parkinson’s disease. This journey has taken me around the united states and abroad I’m happy to say I’ve shared every step along the ways, the good the bad and the very ugly personal truths of my life that in reality many of us share in common but would never put out there the way I do.
I’ve said it before and Ill stand by it. I’m a man, no different than any other with the slight exception that I paint and write my heart and soul for all to see. I end 99% of my posts with a kind word. And I pose some hard questions and thoughts because I believe that one man and one voice can change the world.
Art and words have lost their meaning and I will not stand for it another second. For if YOU will not Be Brave and Be Bold or Thrive in the life you have….. I will. If given the chance I would take your hand and shout your name from the roof tops to show the world your brilliance and compassion. Live your words or don’t use them at all. At this point I’ve lost all of it. My job, my career my home and my family and Ill be dammed if I’m going to silence my heart and soul now.
I just received word that I’ve been accepted into a local art co-op. 4 floors of prime down town retail, commercial and loft living space. A place that is positioning its self at the edge of creating an new feel a new scene thriving and ready to make Art believable again. Any person can put brush to canvas, lead to paper and glue a stone to a ring. But only a few can create through there passion to express that love, fear and strength through their art. So again I say…to you.
Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have… No… life is not easy for any of us. But if I can live through the things I’ve seen, done and had happen to me then you can too. I believe in you. I’ve seen your strength, beauty and passion.
That’s all I’ve to say. Namaste Benjamin 1970-current “A life in progress”
Paths change.. life’s web ebbs and flows in ways often unpredictable I think at time the best we can hope for is just to hold on for dear life and hope we come out on the other side intact or at least in some resemblance of what we thought we were before the maelstrom engulfs us fully.
Often with no recourse do we survive these things that life puts in front of us. I sit here today a man in limbo yet again. First Parkinson’s takes the life I knew away and forces me to reexamine my life. Now I prepare to set forth on what may prove to be the most intense soul searching deep and painful journey of my life. Being asked to leave my entire life as I now know it. I’m fearful because of my Parkinson’s and lack of real humans in my life. I’m fearful that my sons life will change in a way that will hurt him beyond what I can help him heal.
Today I sit hear In fear of the paint as I’m unsure if I’m ready to look those demons in the eye. Oddly though there is a calm inside me that can see a better tomorrow the part I fear is the fact that despite seeing a better tomorrow I can’t see the path to which to follow. So again I leap with blind faith that those who truly love me and that the universe will catch me as I shed this next layer. And try to become the man I was born to be.
I know of no other way to escape the pain, fear and heartache I’m feeling right now. So I apologize for filling your readers with such sorrow. I know my pain is no more great or less than any of yours and many of you have been through such things as well.
Thank you for your friendship, kindness and understanding as I work through these highly complex set of emotions.
The Story behind the Art and Artist of Tempest:
Id like to say my life was a fairy tale full of dreams fulfilled, wishes granted
and time well spent. To do so would be far from the truth and a rather boring story.
In Tempest we see the turbulent clouds of dark purple and green both colors hopeful yet full
of a troubled heart and life. Struggling to find my way on this new path that life has chosen for me.
The form of the figure one could say is female in its curves full of soft sweeping motion and a resemblance
of a musical clef. I her shoulder and breast is a figurative form of infinity giving reference to a belief that I have
that all things are one both past and present. Also in reference to our human cycle of life destined to
repeat our pasts until the puzzle is solved.
She holds her head high above the sky yet in a position of sadness as so often I do. Sad for the hurt in this world,
sad for the hurt in my soul. The window shines a soft yet illuminating light and for me is also the window to my heart
and soul. of two minds hoping to give light to those I encounter in this lifetime and the light that shines out of the darkness
that I so often find myself in. One could ask how someone so tormented could always wishes everyone well, joy, love and happiness.
Its simple I don’t ever want anyone to live through see or feel things that I’ve experienced in my life.
The window, of hope in the darkness.
The spheres find their way to the Tempests side as she stands strong in the calm of the dark purple calm.
Circles, we could write a book on the metaphorical meaning of the circle. Matter of fact there is probably
a guy sipping scotch on a beach somewhere who has. For me in this piece the are eternal, life, death alpha and omega.
From one we have the tree of life emerging from the darkness of the shadow. An ever-present reminder that even in
the darkest of times life will find a way to carry on. From the other sphere we have a cord somewhat of an umbilical
to the tempest also representing the twists and turn of this elegant dance of existence we call life.
Please take from this piece what you will it has and never will be my intent to force my will upon the viewer.
Life is hard, mine, yours, his and hers but life is also beautiful full of hidden graces.
The spring breeze scented with flowers that come but once a year.
Summer sunsets so magical people make a living chasing them down to simply capture the moment.
A child’s first breath and the unconditional love of an old friend.
First kisses and last dances these are the things that make weathering the storm worth living.
So it is with these words from my heart to yours I give you and world. The Tempest.
Tempest ~ My Girl Collection
41.5″ x 48.5′
Inks and Acrylics
Close up 1.
Close up 2.
Close up 3.
Where we started.. As always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
A life in Progress
**Ink sketch done by Picasso