She’s finished… Phew… And I don’t feel like I screwed it up. She is so close to my vision I’ll accept it as completed.. Otherwise I’d have thousands of uncompleted works sitting around the studio.
This Lotus for me is again part of a healing process I will probably be in for the rest of my days. Healing from one life to the next one transition to another as the one sure and true thing that this life does offer is change. I’d like to believe that what rise out if transformative change is a more strong more pure form of who we are to our most core nature. Though these life events tend to be the most brutal and unforgiving I’d like to think that they can also be if observed correctly a marvelous tool of self discovery and growth.
As I transitioned from a “career job” back to a more true version of my passions in life via the vehicle of Parkinson’s disease I though life couldn’t get anymore hard. Then the loss of my wife and children through our separation. Proved me wrong. I must admit my heads been spinning none stop of the past 4 months. So slowly, painfully I’m finding my way. New support system, new friends, challenges and opportunities.
So I too like this Lotus flower hope to grow from the dark waters of my past and Blume into something new a chance at life and all the joys and pain it brings.
All those things being said. I carry a calm in my heart as if I’ve a baby rabbit in my hands. Soft, peaceful thoughts, no hasty movement, just patients and tender care. I guard my heart a bit more than before and that makes me a little sad but time dies change all wounds and we know how I feel about change, I’m counting on it.
24″ x 30″
To those of you who read this far down…. Where you are and what ever you do. Please remember to always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have… You never know when it will change.
Soon I’ll be on my way for one last trip, one last visit to the Kemper museum one last trip to the local coffee house. At least I can say with no confusion or misguided communication that Saint Louis has treated me very well. I’ve been out 3-4 times over the past few years and have always been treated with the utmost respect and care. It always makes me a bit melancholy when a chapter in my life closes but in this case the door that closes is just re opening in another part of the world and I’ll be more than happy to follow that path. Please join me in looking at the collection of art that came from my time in Saint Louis. Similar to the Ottawa collection, but dare I say a bit more impact full.
So today I give a special thanks to my friends in STL for your unyielding friendship and constant support in my journey, my heart and my Art. See you in a week or so to help close one door and open another. Well there’s no time to rest. I delivered Healing Waters yesterday and today is one of the few days I have free. So as always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Much love and thanks to those of you who have supported me without hesitation, I couldn’t do this without you.
Rising above the situations in our lives that cause us pain you’d think would be easy right? It’s kind of a knee jerk reaction, you touch something hot or sharp you’d think one wouldn’t continue that behavior right? With physical stuff it’s easy, sharp=cut=pain= not touch :-/
But with emotional stuff at least on my end it seems not to be that easy. Could be the pd meds could be that I’m an idiot who thrives on self abuse (more likely) either way it’s an interesting journey to be on. To observe my emotional openness and vulnerability yet at the same time desire to close everything and simply fade away.
This morning I spent some time working on more glazing and micro layers of yellow and white.
This was after 12 plus hours drying time and 4-5 more layers of varnish.
Since these photos were taken I’ve started the second layer of texture used to create the Lotus flower itself but those pics are for the next installment of “The Process” I had the pleasure today of hanging one of my larger painting “The Long Road” at a friends restaurant/tap house.
Well that’s about all I have to share today. It’s been kind of a rough PD day which tends to make me feel a bit more alone than usual. As always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
As so often in my mornings I find myself searching for a reason to join the day. Sitting quietly drinking my coffee watching the people scurry about as they find their own paths through the day. Sleep found me both little and a lot last evening though I’m most thankful that my headache has eased up a bit. Today I’m enjoying the sanctuary of my studio. It’s a place that I find great peace and comfort even on my most pain filled and depressive days I find I can be here and simply enjoy the smells and sounds. The colors and music of my day.
As I sit waiting for background textures to dry I’m hopeful for this day. I have so many colors and emotions running through my soul right now it’s more frustrating to not be painting than anything else but I’ve things to work on so I’ll not go to mad today.
Question: if you felt completely free in your life would you change who,where you are? Start a new you or remain on the path you find most comfortable? It’s a far harder question than you may think if you truly answer with your heart and not your mind.
Well my dear friends and family I must be off. Errands are calling my name and I find that if I don’t sit and stare at the drying panels that they’ll actually dry.
Please remember to try to Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have.
Much love and light.
There is a gentle calm that coats the mornings dawn today. The clean smell of rain drifts across the heated breeze giving promise to the day.
As this new dawn begins to unfold I find sanctuary in the thought that the world will breathe today. Breathe a slow steady sigh of relief for things have begun to shift.
A new dawn approaches this heart and mind for at this moment on this day at this second I’ve learned to accept the things I am, understand the things I’ve done and see the things to come more clearly than before.
Each day as the sun meets the sky I grow with the flowers and change with the wind. A little more wise a little more patient for the dreams and desires I have in my life. I will paint my heart and soul as I write my mind upon these pages in words of truth, hope and kindness.. In time my day will come.. In time my heart and soul will flourish as it has before.
There is a beauty in the silence of the day.
No birds or bees just clouds and trees
Me and my thoughts, hopes and dreams.
These are the things I cherish most.
The small moments in the tender hours of the night
Such silence as I’ve marked my way.
Gentle hope and big change as the world
Spins and takes us all on this adventure of life.
For there is beauty in the silence of the day.
Good morning, afternoon and evening. I hope the day has found you well.
Soon I’ll be painting back the studio preparing for my buildings grand opening. 23 art spaces created on the second floor which will truly transform the downtown salem art scene. I also will be applying for a permanent spot in one of our local co-op galleries. “Red Raven” which is rather fitting as one of my spirit animals is the raven. I’m very excited for all the possibilities that lay before me as this new life unfolds. Mind you it’s a bit scary at times feeling like I’m free falling through these past few months. A feeling I thought I’d left behind in my younger years but as life changes so do we, in body, mind and spirit. I will succeed and so will you. For now that’s all I have. So please always remember ” To be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.”
Much love and light.
“A life in progress”
If I gave you my heart
would you tear it apart?
Could you, would you
know what to do
with a love so tender
From this I have seen
and what could it mean
that our actions speak
louder than words.
Or shall it be said
that whispers in bed
fall upon deaf ears by daylights dawn.
A pawn I’ll not be
for if I’m set free
then that will be that
and the last of me you’ll see.
For a fool I am not
nor do I ask of a lot
Just simply to be held
in your head and
The chill of the rain kisses my face
As tenderly as a lovers embrace
Sending chills up the length of my body
Thoughts float gently by as the clouds
Bask in the calm the create in the day.
How can simple rain hold so much love?
How can one breeze bring a strong man to his knees
To weep like a child for the love he desires.
Such tender embrace call from the highest mountain
To be held, nurtured and adored for the things it, he, we are….
Tears…fall so slow in the rain
Mixing with the salt of the earth…
Held….hold….love me for what I am
And what I will be…..
Many of you know about some of the most private details of my life at this point..
Some of you would even say I’ve over shared…
I guess that’s the beauty of what happens here we all have a choice. To come together under a common bond and share the joys and
sorrows of each others lives. Some to comment, some to watch from the shadows and judge. Either way I made a decision when I first started
blog to be open. Many people forget that this site didn’t start as an Art blog but as my personal journal cataloging my life and struggles with coming to
terms with Young Onset Parkinson’s disease. This journey has taken me around the united states and abroad I’m happy to say I’ve shared every step along the ways, the good the bad and the very ugly personal truths of my life that in reality many of us share in common but would never put out there the way I do.
I’ve said it before and Ill stand by it. I’m a man, no different than any other with the slight exception that I paint and write my heart and soul for all to see. I end 99% of my posts with a kind word. And I pose some hard questions and thoughts because I believe that one man and one voice can change the world.
Art and words have lost their meaning and I will not stand for it another second. For if YOU will not Be Brave and Be Bold or Thrive in the life you have….. I will. If given the chance I would take your hand and shout your name from the roof tops to show the world your brilliance and compassion. Live your words or don’t use them at all. At this point I’ve lost all of it. My job, my career my home and my family and Ill be dammed if I’m going to silence my heart and soul now.
I just received word that I’ve been accepted into a local art co-op. 4 floors of prime down town retail, commercial and loft living space. A place that is positioning its self at the edge of creating an new feel a new scene thriving and ready to make Art believable again. Any person can put brush to canvas, lead to paper and glue a stone to a ring. But only a few can create through there passion to express that love, fear and strength through their art. So again I say…to you.
Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have… No… life is not easy for any of us. But if I can live through the things I’ve seen, done and had happen to me then you can too. I believe in you. I’ve seen your strength, beauty and passion.
That’s all I’ve to say. Namaste Benjamin 1970-current “A life in progress”