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For my son….

I can’t even begin to express
This feeling that crushes
And burns in my chest.
It claws at my heart and tears
At my brain
slowly it breaks me
and drives me insane.
These tears that flow,
show no signs
Of slow nor stopping any time soon. I’ve loved you forever
and over the moon.
Yes… Your my everything
and my in between
your are my heart before it fell apart and made me this
thing I’ve become.
I’ll love you forever
for you are my blood
You carry my name and the next
Chance to be,
a better man, father
and person than me….

I love and miss you my boy with every breath I take.
Love,
Dad.

8/30/2015

“A life in progress”
2015

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Update on life,paint and things..

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I’m working on a new collection of work and hope to have most of the best pieces ready for the OHSU Symposium this September 26th in Portland Oregon. Honestly I’ve not much to say, I still have Parkinson’s disease  😉 and I still paint and write. I’m hoping to travel more next year while I still have the strength. But we shall see what the universe has in store. I’m finding more and more these days that my meds take longer to be effective and have a shorter “on” stage.

I’ve been walking and stretching constantly but the stiffness from the PD is pretty relentless. Well on that note I’m off to the doctors. Happy Tuesday, and please remember to be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have. One never knows when when this adventure will end.
Always
Benjamin
“A life in progress”
2015

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Thought of the day

Each day we have the opportunity to start over. To view the the world through fresh eyes, heart and soul. The choice is ours…. Take it.

B.
2015

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I moved :-)

It’s been a few since I’ve written and thought it polite to give a wee update. Katelyn and I moved to a very cute little cottage out south here in town. I’ll be able to set up an outside easel this summer as the yard is huge!
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The house is small but has excepted us nicely it’s a 100 years old this year so we plan to show it great respect.

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Here are some quick photos from around the yard.

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Well it’s just after 6a here and it’s time for mass amounts of coffee and my meds. May all your dreams come true, I’ll be painting soon again and look forward to sharing the new creations and get back into selling and showing art. Here’s a blast from the past Circa 92′

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Please remember to be kind to each other for you never know when one small act of kindness could mean the world to the person receiving it.

Until next time.
Benjamin
2015
“A life in progress”

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Nesting….

It’s cold tonight colder than it’s been all year… Or colder than I recall.
The chill chases people inside…
Keeps their faces pressed to fogged
Window panes for the chance at a glimpse of first snow…..
But this city is quiet tonight.
The chill has chased the summers glow away and the bitter cold has settled in…
Nesting…. I think winter makes people corral to their own kind, hunker down with warm lover and a good book, perhaps a cup of tea…
It’s 1:09 am pst and freezing rain has started. Slowly the last of the pubs closes and the happy warm get chase to their homes too. For the chill chases people inside…..
Builds fires to keep our demons at bay
And reminds us to live with a warm heart and kind smile…
Always
Benjamin

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Never enough time…

Everyday I sit and try to make time to write or post updates on the adventures of my life. Yet there never seems to be enough time. I paint and live, socialize, volunteer and do consulting work not to mention try to have some sort of private life, sometimes I think I should just have a video camera attached to my hat lol… But then nobody really wants to see details of a crazy painters life..
Lately my PD has been fighting me at every turn. Honestly it feels like my symptoms are changing again and I’m not sure I’m ready for that reality yet.

Anyhow enough of all the depressing stuff, everybody has their own demons. I can’t remember if I have shared the Gallery Showing I had this last Wednesday. If I hadn’t please take a quick look at a few pics from the evening.

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And

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Since then I’ve been working on a few smaller “test” pieces this first photo is an example piece o what I would like to do on a large scale.

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Here I’m trying to work with less texturing but give what texture does exists a more bold and defined look which I think will look very striking in a much larger form.
This next piece is a practice in warm and bold colours, sand, fire, sun, stone.

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I have a third and fourth piece I’m working on as well but I’m not ready to share them at this point, soon though.
Well time is slipping by as w speak so I must bid you adieu for the time being. Until we meet again. Please remember to be Brave, be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.

Much love and light.
Benjamin
“A life in progress”
2014.
Coming soon…….

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~Lotus Flower~ Completed

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She’s finished… Phew… And I don’t feel like I screwed it up. She is so close to my vision I’ll accept it as completed.. Otherwise I’d have thousands of uncompleted works sitting around the studio.
This Lotus for me is again part of a healing process I will probably be in for the rest of my days. Healing from one life to the next one transition to another as the one sure and true thing that this life does offer is change. I’d like to believe that what rise out if transformative change is a more strong more pure form of who we are to our most core nature. Though these life events tend to be the most brutal and unforgiving I’d like to think that they can also be if observed correctly a marvelous tool of self discovery and growth.

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As I transitioned from a “career job” back to a more true version of my passions in life via the vehicle of Parkinson’s disease I though life couldn’t get anymore hard. Then the loss of my wife and children through our separation. Proved me wrong. I must admit my heads been spinning none stop of the past 4 months. So slowly, painfully I’m finding my way. New support system, new friends, challenges and opportunities.

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So I too like this Lotus flower hope to grow from the dark waters of my past and Blume into something new a chance at life and all the joys and pain it brings.

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All those things being said. I carry a calm in my heart as if I’ve a baby rabbit in my hands. Soft, peaceful thoughts, no hasty movement, just patients and tender care. I guard my heart a bit more than before and that makes me a little sad but time dies change all wounds and we know how I feel about change, I’m counting on it.

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~Lotus Flower~
24″ x 30″
Mixed media
Benjamin
2014

To those of you who read this far down…. Where you are and what ever you do. Please remember to always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have… You never know when it will change.

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11 sleeps and 4 hours

Soon I’ll be on my way for one last trip, one last visit to the Kemper museum one last trip to the local coffee house. At least I can say with no confusion or misguided communication that Saint Louis has treated me very well. I’ve been out 3-4 times over the past few years and have always been treated with the utmost respect and care. It always makes me a bit melancholy when a chapter in my life closes but in this case the door that closes is just re opening in another part of the world and I’ll be more than happy to follow that path. Please join me in looking at the collection of art that came from my time in Saint Louis. Similar to the Ottawa collection, but dare I say a bit more impact full.

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Commissioned work

Commissioned work

So today I give a special thanks to my friends in STL for your unyielding friendship and constant support in my journey, my heart and my Art. See you in a week or so to help close one door and open another. Well there’s no time to rest. I delivered Healing Waters yesterday and today is one of the few days I have free. So as always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.

Much love and thanks to those of you who have supported me without hesitation, I couldn’t do this without you.

benjamin

2014

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The process~ lotus flower Day Two

Rising above the situations in our lives that cause us pain you’d think would be easy right? It’s kind of a knee jerk reaction, you touch something hot or sharp you’d think one wouldn’t continue that behavior right? With physical stuff it’s easy, sharp=cut=pain= not touch :-/
But with emotional stuff at least on my end it seems not to be that easy. Could be the pd meds could be that I’m an idiot who thrives on self abuse (more likely) either way it’s an interesting journey to be on. To observe my emotional openness and vulnerability yet at the same time desire to close everything and simply fade away.
This morning I spent some time working on more glazing and micro layers of yellow and white.
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This was after 12 plus hours drying time and 4-5 more layers of varnish.

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Since these photos were taken I’ve started the second layer of texture used to create the Lotus flower itself but those pics are for the next installment of “The Process” I had the pleasure today of hanging one of my larger painting “The Long Road” at a friends restaurant/tap house.

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Well that’s about all I have to share today. It’s been kind of a rough PD day which tends to make me feel a bit more alone than usual. As always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.

Much love,
Benjamin
2014
“A life in progress”

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Let the day begin

As so often in my mornings I find myself searching for a reason to join the day. Sitting quietly drinking my coffee watching the people scurry about as they find their own paths through the day. Sleep found me both little and a lot last evening though I’m most thankful that my headache has eased up a bit. Today I’m enjoying the sanctuary of my studio. It’s a place that I find great peace and comfort even on my most pain filled and depressive days I find I can be here and simply enjoy the smells and sounds. The colors and music of my day.
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As I sit waiting for background textures to dry I’m hopeful for this day. I have so many colors and emotions running through my soul right now it’s more frustrating to not be painting than anything else but I’ve things to work on so I’ll not go to mad today.

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Question: if you felt completely free in your life would you change who,where you are? Start a new you or remain on the path you find most comfortable? It’s a far harder question than you may think if you truly answer with your heart and not your mind.
Well my dear friends and family I must be off. Errands are calling my name and I find that if I don’t sit and stare at the drying panels that they’ll actually dry.
Please remember to try to Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have.
Much love and light.
Benjamin