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Holding back the Darkness~Completed

Good day and thank you as always for stopping by. I feel a bit sad not being able to post as frequently as before. Life has me fairly swept up at the moment. Between a changing life and changing Parkinson’s symptoms I feel lucky to be able to paint still let alone type. Here is the final framed version of the afore mentioned piece and the customary close ups.
*An excerpt from a press release interview I did last year:
What would you do if you were told you have an incurable disease? Would you give up everything to save the life you have left? Here’s a story about a man who did just that. Please join Benjamin as he openly shares his journey as an artist, a father and a person with Young Onset Parkinson’s disease.

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Holding back the Darkness
26″x38″ framed
Mixed media
Bmp down town studio
2014
400usd

In each of our lives at some point we will all face great grief and sorrow. Great happiness and joy. This piece for me is the embodiment of holding back the sorrow, grief and struggle of normal life. Slowly as I relearn what it’s like to live and love again I keep pushing back the darkness and with any luck will continue to grow as an artist,father, man and friend to many.
Some close ups to end the day.

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#2

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#3

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And lastly a recap:

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“The mind wants what the body can’t have and the heart can’t handle”
Benjamin
2013

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Greetings from the studio~10/2014

I wanted to quickly share some of the development photos of this piece. There are times when an image is so clearly marked in my head that it’s only a matter of process for the image to see its pfruition, please enjoy a short look at a piece I’m calling
Holding back the Darkness

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**early photo

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#2
The most recent paint on this piece, depending on how the last few dozen layers go I should have this piece completed in a few days.

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Holding back the Darkness
24″x36″
Mixed media
2014
****work in progress

Now I’m back off to bed sadly I’ve been fighting a nasty head/chest cold all weekend :(
Please be well and enjoy the day that’s before you.
Much love
B.

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Things I see…… And how I see them…” Morning walks”

Hi there…. It’s nice to see you again.. So care to join me for my morning walk.? These days living in a downtown environment I find it important to get out of the house and walk. During these journeys I try a capture the world truly through my eyes. As an abstract artist I find that it’s key to draw inspiration and motivation from every source available, Mother Nature being my number one inspiration. So please again won’t you join me on today’s walk about.

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One Path~Two Choices
*manipulated photo

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There be Dragons

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Oh the things you’ll see #1

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Oh the things you’ll see #2
All the photos are originals taken on an iPhone and the tweaked in a way that I hope reflects to you the way I see the world. Or to say the world through my eyes.
Today has been a strange day, a few to many ups and downs for my taste but today I have to take credit for that :-/ I’m not the most easy person to he along with….. And now some words

To what end do we express to
Desires and madness of this human life.
Such feelings deep and dark or bright as sun does shine.
For what grows and beats only in the shade of the day and breeze that fills the mind.
Subtle longing sneak behind words paint and prose as the day grows longer.
Busy hands find idle tasks to keep
The days demons at bay.
Butterflies collected along way give
Fill to the heart, body mind and soul
Yet a wolf will always search for home just as a raven will spread it’s wings.
I sit and stare at these blank walls, canvases of my heart and mind.
My souls escape, giving hope to the day, night and tomorrow’s dawn.
Purging little pieces along the path like bread crumbs to the trail of my minds eye.
Such solace gains ground as this body slowly fades for only in action can the peace I seek be found.
Hard it be, the part where the time moves so slow and worse is the day when the clock hands spin freely.
Drink, drink from heart and you’ll taste the want that feeds my soul.
Benjamin
2014.
And last but not least. A thought a single solitary thought… To be held…..

Please remember to be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have, make the life you want and regret only the the things you haven’t done or where to afraid to do…. Love….. Love hard, love fast and fully. Fill your life with passion for in the end we all die alone.

Benjamin
2014
“A life in progress”

**sneak peak Holding back the Darkness **first paint stage

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Completed~ The Last Coral

Over the past 3,4 years as many if you know I’ve been doing the “Coral” series. I’m not sure exactly how many I’ve done other the years but I do know they’re all out there in the world. Sold or given away. Over the course of 2014 lots in my life changed. From massive traveling to major life changing events and then there’s the whole Parkinson’s thing. The piece that I’ll show here today “The Last Coral” will be and is the last of the coral series that I’ll be doing. Now I may try using a different technique at some point but my days of using a liner brush #0 or #1 I’m pretty sure those days are done sadly. The tremors have gotten to the point that when doing fine motor skill pieces my hands just don’t cooperate that well anymore. I guess it a good thing I paint mostly with a pallet knife and painters rag. Well I suppose we should take a look at this final piece.
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The Last Coral
24″x24″
Mixed media
Ink,Acrylic,varnish
2013-2014
500usd

Below are the customary close ups.

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There we have it, it’s been an amazing adventure with the coral series and I look forward to figuring out a way to continue this series using a different process. Until next time then. Please remember to always, Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have….

Always
Benjamin
2014

Sneak peak at the next new piece.

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Fear~

Let’s talk shall we…. It’s been a while, won’t you please come in. I hope you’ve been well and life hasn’t been to hard for you. As usual these days it feels as though I do more living and less living all at once. Paintings more detailed yet small, words less written but more strong and full of heart. Yet my head finds no leave today a I’m faced with my life as it was as it is and how is like it to be.

For years I strive for one goal. For others to be strong, stronger than me or what I thought was me. I chased the dream of being human the dream of 2.5 kids a house, car, dog 2 cars and farm….. Then one day I realized I had it. And at that moment I lost it all. So let’s talk about fear, what are you afraid of? What am I afraid of? Failure and being alone are mine. Today I saw my son for a few brief hours and even with as much love as I have for him, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with the feeling of failure. Failure to him and his sister, failure to M and the life I used to have. The life I spent MY lifetime building. Compounded by my second largest fear, the fear of being alone with my demons. Today was and is a very silent day in the life I have now.. More quiet than it’s been in along time and far more quiet than I care for it to be. Really if I wanted to be alone I’d move to NY or the mountains. Being a painter or poetish person comes with the obligation to feel, to feel deeply, madly, passionately and then express it in a way that others can relate to…. Hopefully lol. Otherwise fade away into the darkness of my life.
So many thoughts about the future these days… A future alone? A future with Parkinson’s. Do I move to the coast and become a reclusive artist with a giant beard and skin covered in tattoos? So many questions.
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I used to fear change more than anything, now it seems that change is the only real thing I can count on. I’m tired of worry, I’m tired of this life yet it’s the only one I know. I paint, I write and I hope I wake up one more time. Beyond that it often feels like I’ve no idea wtf I’m doing. Not traveling for the end of this year is going to be one of the hardest yet hopefully rewarding things I’ll have done for myself in a long time. It will be the first time in my children’s lives that we’ve not been together for the holidays, so I firmly believe if I can make it through this season… I’ll survive anything. Well I’ve got to go, one of the things I haven’t talked about is why I don’t post as often as I used to…. I simply can’t. I can’t sit or have my arms bent that long anymore without a great deal of pain.. Bummer… But today is different, I needed this, I needed to spill my words and heart here again as I used to. I needed to feel at home somewhere in my life and this is where I came.
To those of you who read this thank you and to those of you who know me, don’t worry…
Please do me one small favor, in your life. Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.
Find love, find laughter for your heart and soul. Fill each day with the things that give you joy. For that my dear friends is what life should be about.

Always~
Benjamin
“A life in progress”
1970-current

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More words~

Places and faces:
My mind races, faces, places
Who is that in the mirror
dear find my face
Replace this man that i see me rushed and hushed
Pushed pulled pried and peeled
Field,lovers,lost,listen scream
do you hear what I mean
Seen,clean,bean
stream flow go slow
peace..release..pause, claws at my mind unwind relax attacks
panic shower flower bloom consume the day dismay stay away
the earth spins to fast
at last a ride home
comb toothbrush and rest best flow to those who know
gone spawn dreams as it seems lost child of mine me
did you see what I see stars a far calm….. Done…. Gone fishing….. Go home….. Good bye…. Flyaway…bye bye….shy,why,me….at sea….let it be,let it be.. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be…..

Benjamin
2014

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Once upon a time…..

When life was young and carefree. When the wars of man, body and mind where unknown. Just simple whispers in the dark, ghost and nightmares of a younger mans thoughts and fears. Then we are born screaming into this madness of hellhole. Hi, yes I’m in one o my dark moods today. These days that edge is so paper thin. The further I get from the life I had the more angry and tired I get. Today I’ve been working on a piece I’m calling “Conflict”
12″x12″
Mixed media.

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This next piece has been completed and is waiting to be hard mounted into it’s frame.

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Back to basics
11″x14″ unframed
15″ x 18″ framed
Mixed media
2014
Bmp west coast studio
200.usd

I’d like to say I’ve spent the day creating and being carefree but I’m afraid that didn’t happen. I seem to have stumbled upon some dark clouds I can’t seem to kick but as I’ve said before and so often in this life have learned to count on. Everything changes, tomorrow is another day and another chance to make all ones dreams come true.

Until we meet again please try to be kind to one another, for if not us, then who? Cheers

Benjamin
2014
“A life in progress”

Coming soon:
*** First Paint ***

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*** Thing I see and how I see them ***

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Never enough time…

Everyday I sit and try to make time to write or post updates on the adventures of my life. Yet there never seems to be enough time. I paint and live, socialize, volunteer and do consulting work not to mention try to have some sort of private life, sometimes I think I should just have a video camera attached to my hat lol… But then nobody really wants to see details of a crazy painters life..
Lately my PD has been fighting me at every turn. Honestly it feels like my symptoms are changing again and I’m not sure I’m ready for that reality yet.

Anyhow enough of all the depressing stuff, everybody has their own demons. I can’t remember if I have shared the Gallery Showing I had this last Wednesday. If I hadn’t please take a quick look at a few pics from the evening.

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And

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Since then I’ve been working on a few smaller “test” pieces this first photo is an example piece o what I would like to do on a large scale.

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Here I’m trying to work with less texturing but give what texture does exists a more bold and defined look which I think will look very striking in a much larger form.
This next piece is a practice in warm and bold colours, sand, fire, sun, stone.

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I have a third and fourth piece I’m working on as well but I’m not ready to share them at this point, soon though.
Well time is slipping by as w speak so I must bid you adieu for the time being. Until we meet again. Please remember to be Brave, be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.

Much love and light.
Benjamin
“A life in progress”
2014.
Coming soon…….

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So close~

Again it feels like I haven’t been here for a while. Life has a way of whisking us up into it’s vortex an dropping is so far from home… But then every great adventure should lead one to many strange lands and meet as many fantastic people as possible. Lately my PD has been both good and bad. My body has been semi cooperative but my headspace is lost “Squirrel”!!!! Honestly it’s pretty bad. But slowly I’m getting all my systems back in place and hopefully by the new year I’ll have things sorted.

As far as Art is concerned I’m at the final stages of the two commissioned pieces I’ve been working on. The red piece has since been completed during the process of me writing this post.
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Actually signed.

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The Blue/Green piece is going up in tonight’s show as a work in progress with any luck it’ll open the conversation door about the process.

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And the close up and personal pic.

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Anyhow I’m late for PT so I best be off. Here is a sneak peak at my next post
Solo Show

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Stay tuned.

As always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have. You never know when it’s going to change.

Benjamin
2014
“A life in progress”

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Time and things I see.

Things I see and how I see them:
Time’s a funny thing. Then it comes to life we are so often racing towards the next thing. “Off to the bus, just about time for lunch, TGIF”, all these saying are deadline or per say place card or mini milestones in our days. That turn into weeks then months……. And then the years start to flow on by.
Occasionally I like to think I step out of that “go to”, “next step” life. Lately even though my life has felt more busy that ever I have found some small moments in time and life that I’d like to share. This first set of images I intend to turn into a grey scale collection of large abstract paintings.

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“Backwards”

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“Grumpy Smiles”

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“From behind”

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“Closer”

*The names or titles given these photos may or may not change.

I’ve been working on three commission pieces as of late all of which are at critical places in their development yet the changes to most I’m sure would seem nominal. So sorry about the lack of posts as of late. I mean really I’m not even that excited to write about the 65th layer of glaze or varnish. Anyhow I digress. I’ve been really trying to find some balance in my life lately. I can’t say I’ve been very successful but the adventure has been once in life time. I hope where ever you are when you read this that your well and thriving in the life you have.
***time has elapsed since I started this post so for now I’ll bid you adieu and hope you know you’re loved in this life. It’s time to paint.

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Benjamin
2014
“A life in progress”
Ps. More paint coming soon.