“Life three hours at a time.”
Parkinson’s is a funny disorder, since there’s no cure and the meds come with a cool disclaimer. “May control or ease the symptoms of PD” people often don’t understand how the disorder effects PWP. I hear from people “You look great ” or that I seem to be doing well. Well often when you see me out I do feel pretty good, at that moment I do feel good. Sadly PD changes all day everyday going from fatigue to stiffness to central pain then back to tremors. I have to say as an overall experience Parkinson’s is a trip.
It’s like watching the tide come in an wash away the sandcastle one spent a lifetime building. Well it’s time to sign off for the night. It’s a Halloween weekend and there’s much to be done.
“Be brave, Be bold and thrive in the life you have.”
The beauty we see is just a shell comprised of the things around us, in us and given to us by others. True beauty rises from underneath all obstacles to shine from the depths.
Today I give you New life… In all realness I give myself a New Life. A new chance to live happily. Is that not something all humans deserve and strive for? As I give myself permission to more on with my life regardless of the burdens I carry I in turn hope these things for you. My you wake today in a new light, with new hope, new strength an peace in this new life.
So far on this piece, though it looks like it’s taking shape it has many many layers to go. The only thing that’s been truly established is the overall placement, I’ve added a coral texture to the laddle material in hopes that the final image will produce a very organic looking substance either being placed into or taken out off the “Vessel.” This piece holds a very special place in my heart as when I was a child I viewed myself often as a “Vessel” constantly having to adjust to a “new normal.” As I firmly believe as childern we both know everything and nothing at the same time, we are pure yet full of universal knowledge. So in my youth I watched and I listened. Know as a grown man, my world has changed. I job or role if you prefer is to fill the Vessels of those around me. That being said, my hope for this piece once completed is that it represent our roles in humanity to both nature our young with loving tenderness, intellectual challenges and to provide the moral aptitude to make loving,kind,wise choices of the rest of their lives and in doing so help create and nature the type of human that will I turn fill the Vessels of those around them… This I believe is just one of the many paths that mankind can take to help reshape the villianous, selfcentered, nassasistic landscape our society has painted for its current future.
Wow, okay all that before coffee number two, I guess I needed to do some writing today. Well it’s Friday morning here on the west coast of the U.S. I hope wherever you are and however life finds you that you’re well. That love, forveness, patience and kindness follow you for all your day.
Dawns day is creeping as my bones lays sleeping
The blood drains from my hands
As I’m left dreaming of far away lands
My head lays heavy on this pillow made of bird
So many voices have been left unheard
My mind races though pictures
Collisions of memories and distant places
Old soldiers bones die alone for deeds they have done
Nightmares of sorrow and children
A blanket to bury the dead
An illness has come that can’t be undone
Seeded deep where science fears to tread
I’m left tattered and weak its shelter I seek
For I can walk with the angels no more.
remissionem anima mea
Acrylic and oil pastels
** one of a very small amount of gallery ready work I’ve done this small.
“Alone; I sat and waited for the feelings to pass and they did…. So I wept…. I wept for the loss, I wept for my heart and yours for Alone was no place to be for either you or me….. Yet here I sit Alone….once again.”
“A life on progress”
there are times I miss the sound of your voice so much
it brings tears to my eyes just to think of your name.
there are times i wake in the night drenched in sweat
praying this dream will end. Panic, Fear, Guilt, Confusion…..
lost in the dark again…… and again seems to be my artistic
i tried so hard not to be my father yet in the end genetics of failure couldnt be beat,….im sorry my son…i tried, i tried so hard…. i buried my pride,hopes and dreams. i was steadfast until the end, until i couldnt be anymore…. (tears)….
forgive me as i rip this burden from my heart and soul.
forgive me as this pain is unbearable. i feel so broken and abused by
what evil do i pay for to have lost it all, a lifes work good in reality. gone in figurative and gone for good. (sobs)….. ive lost.. ive no fight, no heart, no passion or strength to even paint the depths of this lost, this hole is bigger more deep and lonesome
than any death ive known…..
this is my hell
My heart is heavy from the day.
These burdens of life and love
weight heavy upon my head and heart.
tired thoughts, tired heart, body and soul.
This constant battle between whats come and gone,
the reality shift that makes everything
seem like a dream….
Where did I get so lost.
How have I become the monster I feared
as a child?
Now with no memories of the pasted and a
future that has no certainty I fear I’ve lost
my way completely.
One down and one to go. I went and saw my thyroid doc today and got the “All clear” on the thyroid cancer.!!! :-) I do have to take a new pill for life for hyperthyroidism but I’ll take that over cancer any day of the week. Now we wait for the results on the colon thing.
I’m finding myself in a very contemplative place lately. These last series of test reminded me even of the reality that we don’t live forever, we are not, the invincible super heroes of our youth nor are we impervious to the seemingly random events of the universe.
Below is a number of words I strung together a few years ago that I find relevant quite often.
**time changes everything**
The rains have come again…..
To wash clean the palette of my soul
Giving way only to the depths of the days thoughts.
How does one reconcile the pasts miss deeds with the contemplations of the future day.
Such longing for brighter days of laughs and smiles that come from the heart not the face.
Hard are the labors of a man with a clock.
A clock over ones head.
a constant tick tock of time.
This heart grows weak to think of the changing waters of time.
In a concentric circle . Flow… To which way would you go if you were truly part water.
Thanks for coming by today, I hope where ever you are that life has been kind to you. Please remember to always “be brave be bold and thrive in the life you have.”
Also this morning 10-13-15 11:00a pst I go to meet with my endocrinologist to go over the results from my imaging test, I’m kinda F’n nervous. Anyhow nothing I can do to change what has already happened. With any luck it will just be hypothyroidism and I can take more meds lol. Honestly with this thyroid thing I’m super glad to figure it out. It’s been messing with my uptake on my PD meds which is a pretty serious quality of life issue for me.
The art above is all works in progress. The two left hand pieces are small 4×6 inches and the right hand side image is 12×12 inches. Oh one last thing if ANY of you know a I.T. Lawyer I need one yesterday. As many of you know a local company lost 14 years of data, files and electronic folders containing basically entire life for the last 14 years. Honestly it’s tragic see PD has taken away my ability to actively recall memories, words,long term plan…. The list goes on and on. So the case and point is I’ll never get those things back now. Any how if anyone knows a good lawyer the company is ready to settle and I need advice ASAP.
Cheers and much love.
“A life in progress”
I’m forgetting things…….
I can see the goal but have lost
The ability to plan it out…
The pain in my shoulders
Is bi-lateral…. It really really hurts
All….. The…… Time….. (7)
Thyroid what’s the thyroid?????
It controls what?….. Everything…. Shit.
1 in 40 is scary 3 in 5 years is scarier.
Cancer…. Parkinson’s disease. WTF.
My legs are forgetting how to step
“The shakes are coming”, “the shakes are coming”……
Honestly I’m scared.. This is scary shit. I rarely say it out loud and ponder on it even less but today as the pain is relentless and the fatigue never ever stops.
I can’t stop but think and wonder
How much can this human body take…. #alongfortheride
Thank you that’s all.
“A life in progress”