Life…. The one constant I’m thankful for. Below you will see why. I was looking for a previous work that spoke to where I have been in this journey for the passed 3 years and I found this one. It’s ripe with pain, fear, agony and confusion. This poem if you will is a constant reminder of my thankfulness to life and it’s ever present change. I’ve lost a lot to Parkinson’s disease and to my own stupidity but I’m thankful. I’m thankful for the pain, challenge and struggle I’ve lived. It has made me a better person, a person who’s more aware of his needs and desires as a person. I mean let’s face it folks the reality of Parkinson’s late stage is pretty fucking awful. So for me in this life change is good, hard yet enlightening in ways I never thought possible. I’ve lost and received more support and love in the last four years than at anytime prior in my life.
Darkness finds me grasping at your door
Let me in I cry for the night is cold
The pain seizes all that I am
Shakes and quakes fly from
My bones like bats in the night
Sleep is lost like child in the woods
God find my heart and take me from
Frozen in time my hand search to find the words to free my soul
The feelings and reality that induced these words makes me glad that humans when open to enlightenment and change are capable of overcoming any struggle.
Side note: I’ll be back in my studio September first and I look forward to creating for all of you and myself shortly.
As always, be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have. Why? Because it will change.
As I ready myself for the last leg of this paint less adventure I’m reminded
That so often we miss the simple beauty of the things right in front of us.
I hope you’ve all been well, embraced and appreciated. Tomorrow I’ll be of to the desert. A place I’ll forever hold close to my heart. For today please join me in a brief rest and enjoy some simple beautiful things.
These are just a few of the lovely things I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying over the past few days. I do hope wherever you are and whom ever you be that peace and love find your heart. Until later then.
Bye for now.
Just arrived back in Portland Oregon for a quick few day stay. I’ve a tattoo appointment tomorrow the a day or so before I fly back out to Nevada till the first. Below you’ll find a small, piece of my heart and a large piece of my mind.
There are times in this life that simple words will not do
To express the tender joy I feel.
Here on the darkest night,amongst the darkest sky lit
Only by the heavens. I find peace as the smoke fills my lungs
Penetrates everything I am creating clarity, harmony and self acceptance.
My bear and my wolf run wild here. Free to think and be free.
There is such stillness in nature before the sun rises.
It’s been since I was a much younger man that I’ve felt the freedom of
The forrest. The air is cold to the touch, mixed with the rage of a contained fire.
So pure, so right. My wind swirls as my demons try to come and see this small piece of heaven in which I sit but I do not allow them entry. There is no send, no likes, links. Nothing else to think but about the calm, the cold and the fire.
I’d forgotten how much I miss this part of my life that I left behind so long ago.
Cowboy coffee and hobo stew. Camp chairs and caravans. Songs and tales that fill the nights sky.
So good, so right. I’ll not fight this peaceful with thoughts of forgiven lands.
With worries of what nots dollars and cents. I have a home, some paint a word or two that has found my tongue and friends…
Friends that love me for who I am, truly, purely for being me….B
5:39a pst lost lake camping trip
Alice, Will, Jim, Heather, John, Lyric, Scott, Audrey, Watson and myself
8-22 / 8-24 2014
Remember at the end of the day if your not happy with yourself, you’ll never truly bring joy to anyone else.
One of the things about travel is it really makes coming home special. This trip has kicked my ass. I’ve loved, lost and found my spirit. I will travel as long as my body allows. PD has taken so much much from me but I refuse to let it take my heart and soul. I’d much rather paint and write, protect and serve than give up. I’ll never give up.
To NY and STL thank you. To Ottawa thanks for the life lesson. To the folks at home I’ll see you as soon as I can and to the rest of you. Never be afraid to love and live with your whole being.
Again so many thanks to my family here on WP, you’ve supported me through so many journeys, ups and downs and all arounds. To you I’m forever thankful.
For me this is a timeless expression of love and mystery and abstract expression of want and hope, dreams and desires. My visual interpretation of that feeling of writing ones heart on a parchment and encasing it in glass and throwing it into the hands of destiny.
I do so hope your day has treated you well. I’ve been amerced in paint all day, honestly my favorite place to be. Please remember to always Be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have. Because I can guarentee things will change whether you expect them to or not.
Again many thanks for stopping in where ever you are, be loved.
In the silent of the night I miss you most of all.
When the buzz and the noise of the day is gone.
With demons settle in insecurity grows the it’s
the words that don’t get said that hurt the most of all.
The pain of this life settles in hard on the bones I bare
Each day seems longer than the next
As I wait.
Doing what’s expected always a good, bad boy.
Such a dedicated young man..
I waited for the words that never came, I guess in the end they were
Just words after all….
There is a time and place for everything they say…..
And tonight brought tears to my eyes.
The crickets here in the upper northeast are in full swing tonight
And I’m missing someone very dear to me. Someone I’ll probably never see again in this life and the crickets seem to know.
I took a walk up the lane after supper only to find myself drifting in thought until I came across the “Blarney Stone” playing my sweet Irish tunes live in the pavilion. The little ones were dancing as the elders tapped their toes. There were smiles all around except in my eyes. My music, me being made up of a bag of welsh and Irish. As the crickets softly sing. eich bod yn torri fy nghalon
No tune can shine these blue eyes tonight. No smiles can lift a broken heart.
Some losses are to great to bare alone and some are simply to great to bare.
Tonight’s a night I wish I was stone. Cold and could turn it off make it go away. Bury my pain in a pit and walk away, run away as fast as I could…. If I could….I would….
But instead I write here to you all of you to bare witness to these things of mine that should be put in a box and tossed in the basement with the mementos of past lives… And maybe with some luck they will be, but not tonight. Tonight I will cry with the crickets and drink with the devil. And my god forgive me in the mornings light.
It’s funny how life tests us. It tests our physical, mental and emotional strengths. I have to say though I’m tired of it. All this travel I think has finally taken it’s toll. I’m not sure if it’s the events that have unfolded or the shear volume of land crossed but I’m done.
It’s time to paint and write, settle into a routine I’ve yet to find and stop chasing dreams that take me far from home. I’ve given to much of my heart and soul away over the last 8 months often only to have it thrown back in my face. Twisted and used against me.
I started this site to find solace and peace as I tried to sort through having young onset Parkinson’s originally DX just after turning 41.
I’ve made some amazing friends all around the world and gone to see most of them. As I sit here this morning in the sleepy village of Clinton NY I wonder if any of it’s worth it. These days I find that the emotional toll of feeling so passionately and living a life that reflects it has become a burden I’m not sure I can bare anymore. Burden
Honestly I’m not sure of the point I’m making here today, beside the simple sharing if my heart and soul as I’ve always done. Though these days I find more often than not I have to speak in ambiguity as to not offend or suffer the backlash of others in this place.
Tired…. I’ve grown so tired of the struggle..
These days I find I am no longer “Dreaming of Autumn”
I fear I’m no longer dreaming at all. It feels like everything I touch turns to rust and dust before my eyes and I’m not sure how to stop it from happening. Anyhow I’m done. I hope where ever you are and what ever life brings you that your well, loved and at peace. May all your dreams come true.
Hi, it feels like it’s been forever since I’ve written here and though it’s only been a day or so a ton of really heavy stuff has happened. I’ve made some new friends, had an old one turn out to be batshit crazy and I’ve driven half way across the United States all this in two day. All I can say is as soon as you think things are starting to settle look again before you cross that road because sometimes that A-train is just a tad late.
It funny so far in the past two days, I’ve been challenged emotionally and physically more than I’ve been in a long time. Apparently PWP or at least this PWP (people with Parkinson’s) shouldn’t sit in cars for 8 hrs at a time ;) actually I knew that already but now I really know my physical limitations. For some reason flying around the world, not a problem but stick me in a car and ask this body to hold still…. Not good.
One thing is for sure as much as I love to travel, I can’t wait to get home and paint. I never thought I’d say it as when I’m there I often get a huge case of the lonely but I miss my house ( apartment ). The studio as I often refer to it. Which apparently confuses people when they come over for the first time because in reality it’s a large 2 bedroom loft with modern appliances and all the comforts of home, not the preconceived tiny little starving artists painting studio. I’m very excited for next month since the willamette valley open studio tours will be happening and I have a very dear friend and my personal assistant coming up to help out with the event. September 13,14 so all of you in the Pacific Northwest come on down there’s plenty of room it’s going to be fun, that much I can guarantee.
Well my dear friends, it’s just about that time, time to stuff myself back into the car and head east. I’ve about four more hours and I’ll be in the big apple.
I hope where ever you are and what ever your doing that you find peace in your heart and love in your soul. Forgive the one that hurt you and hold onto the one that don’t. Try to always be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have, because as life has reminded me once again on the this trip you never know when things will change and I can assure you they will.
Much love and light.
“A life in progress”
I’m far from perfect but at least I tried.
Literally ;) cruising down the 70 east heading to NY. I just wanted to pop in and say Hi to everybody.
So I couldn’t stand it I had to purchase a little paint for the road. This particular journey I’m not here to paint but as most of my blood, heart and soul is connected to color and words I figured a little paint couldn’t hurt right?
I seem to have misplaced the photo of this super cute little watercolor set I picked. Oh well I’ll paint for you tonight.
The last flower from Saint Louis. Kind of sad really I painted 6 maybe 7 paintings in STL over the past year and a half. Certainly a city I’d like to visit again.
Just found out that I won’t be going back to Canada any time soon. Kinda sad but I guess it’s for the best, I’ve been spreading myself to thin these days and honestly putting my trust in places and people I shouldn’t. Guess that comes with living life to it’s fullest right? Lol. Oh well. I tried.
The first big stop of the day is Indianapolis which will be great. Time to rest, think and paint. To all my true friends. Thank you for your support, love and kindness.