On such a sleepless wing I travel
As the cricket song fades away
I’ve missed my train
For now in slow groups of three
Does my life begin
Three by five to keep me alive
And these shakes to stay at bay
I long for the gentle sounds
Of angels to usher me off and away
To guide these borrowed bones
Back to place of peace and slumber
No more pain or pills,
Doctors and worried faces.
No more canes and stairs
Or medical places
I yearn for rest and peace of mind…
I’ve never seen such bright eyes go so dark…
Such caring lips curl to the distaste of love.
I always knew there was a secret I just never knew
It was as dark as mine.
I fear the darkness in your eyes for I know
All to well of its hunger.
Its a careless carnivore.
Consuming everything it touches, leaving darkness, confusion and guilt behind.
My colors have mixed, muddied
I feel empty.
A hollow man searching to fill this chemical void.
This empty substantia nigra that’s been drained of all feelings of joy…. Left numb by science…. Nature or nurture each a ray of hope only observed by those with feeling and the ability to self perceive.
Darkness borders this mirror of disparity, pulling gently from a dizzying height.
Just till the earth starts to spin…Falling but never fallen.
Beat but never broken, these blue eyes….
Are so tired…
“Better out than in”
Words in a streaming thought free write.
“May all each if your days be brighter than the next.”
Things just keep getting more and more entertaining in this life. I had an interesting conversation with a cancer ward nurse. I’d just finished my colonoscopy (today 10-6-15) and was a bit “high” from the procedure and a bit giddy, she asks so how’s it being so young and having PD? I tell her it’s simply a process, like getting older or standing in a que. The really strange part of it is the observation and the human element, simply watching as these major life things happen. I mean really what can I do? I’m just along for the ride. Aren’t we all.
Watching a my memory fades and as I slowly lose the ability of my hands or my ability to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time. Or perhaps the relentless central nerve pain that turns tickles into tears. Those pesky nerve impulses getting confused. For in this life are we all not simply just vessels? When we are young we are filled by those elements around us and as we age we begin to in turn fill the vessels of those around us. From student to teacher and back to student is the story of ~”Vessel – I am”~
Thank you for taking the time to read with me today it means a great deal to me to be able to share my story.
“A life in progress”
Today I have the displeasure of going to have a radioactive iodine test on my Thyroid. They found a nodule on a previous ultrasound and my t3,t4 is elevated thus it’s time to play nuclear darts with my neck for the next two days…… I hope the day finds you well.
I’ve reached a wall, I’ve tried to be kind and patient. I’ve tried to communicate my needs but now I’m done. The other day I lost an email account and all the files associated with. Sadly this email account had 15 years of my life attached to it. Medical,professional and personal. Kids pics,my memoirs and international contacts. Needless to say I’m literally sick to my stomach. My ex-wife is fighting me for custody of my son and I’m pissed. So……..Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Yeah, I’m going to sue the wholly hell out of Comcast if I don’t see some type to resolution.
**Side note: This just in: earlier today 9/24/15 after writing the first part of this post I decided to do some research an found the emails for the senior executives of the Comcast corporation ane sent them this email which I first sent to the CEO of the company,
To each executive I sent a copy of this email with a different subject line: Some reading ” Flash~Comcast loses disabled mans vital records” or ” Flash~ Comcast mocks man with Parkinson’s disease after losing 15 years worth of data. So this afternoon I get a call from Shiela and she’s “very concerned” about my situation….. Well since I really don’t want to sue these people, I really want my data, memories and information back I gave Sheila the chance to do her thing. On the flip side I have two legal teams salivating to eat Comcast alive from every angle so either way somewhere someone will understand I’m seriously pissed.
Same thing with this child custody thing, how could anyone who knows the bond I have with my son try to stand in the way of me and my son. I’m not asking for full custody just 50/50 we part the same way we came. Anyhow sorry now I’m being a whiner, just venting. But seriously I’m not backing down 😀.
Still waiting to see if they can recover my files…. Though now I’m actually talking with their corporate office instead of the pathetic excuse of a customer service department.
Well I’m gonna hit post instead of leaving this random draft in my phone.
I hope the world is being kind to all of you and you to it.
Ubuntu– “I am what I am because of who we all are”
Ubuntu (/ʊˈbuːntʊ/ uu-boon-tuu; Zulu pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼú]) is a Nguni Bantu term roughly translating to “human kindness.”[dubious ] It is an idea from the Southern African region which means literally “human-ness,” and is often translated as “humanity toward others,” but is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean “the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity”.
Thanks for reading. I’m feeling very thankful for the life I have today. It’s funny because I havent been feeling very well lately and today is no different. My hips,back, shoulders and neck have been very stiff and sore. That being said I’ve been eating well and stretching 2 (4x.5)hrs a day and walking 1.5 miles a day so I guess the next step is to look deeper into my medicine and exercise program. I hope the world is treating all of you well and you it, please remember it takes just one moment in time to be kind.
Good morning, Afternoon and evening. I hope your day has treated you well so far. Thanks for stopping it’s lovely to see you as always. It’s crunch time here I’ve such a busy schedule this month and next. Between the colonoscopy, thyroid surgery, Tattoo appointment, OHSU symposium, my sleep study and countless other events and Dr crap to do I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it. And yes for this whom already know there is a slight chance I’ve thyroid cancer but it’s very very slim. I go in for a two day test October 1,2nd when I find out more I’ll let everybody know.
I’m very excited though to keep painting and writing. The floral series and a new style or Coral pieces are floating around inside my head these days so who knows. With some time and patience I’ll be adding the flower image above to the background below this week
I figure the yellow and orange in the flower should offset the background nicely. Well this post is 3 days late since I started it so I’m gonna hit post and as the title suggests “get busy.” Much love and light to you all. Honestly I’ve not been feeling well lately and with all this medical crap going on its stressing me out. But I’m still thankful to wake each day and see what the world has in store for me.
Sorry for the late post. It’s Tuesday the 8th I’m told. Not really a monumental date unless your getting ready to go to first grade.!!! Granted im not, though maybe i should they did do some pretty epic art projects in the first grade 😜😂😜. K son A is starting the 1st grade tomorrow and its a pretty big deal. I think he’s pretty well set. It’s early here 5a PST. The sun is shining brightly with its last bit of summer warmth, the birds are swooping from tree to tree and in the distance can be heard the harried pace of summer construction racing to beat the coming rains.Summer here is coming to an end but the adventure is just begining.
Science Time: (prize bell ringing)
Did you know that the PNW has one of North Americas only true Rain Forests.
AND more Sciences Time stuff:
Social hour w/broken guy: Normally when you get hurt, there is process right? One falls down get a scrape, you go inside get cleaned up a bit, then maybe some oinment and then a bandaide. Over time you can peel the bandaide back and watch your recovery. slowly or quickly your skin will heal, mentions of “it looks great” “your healing well.” See those are all things that we say to people who have cureable conditions. What do you say to someone who, lets be real here, will propably never see a cure for the condition they ( I ) have? It’s kind of the million dollar question isnt it? Well the answer is……. wait for it………. “Hello” there is no wrong or right thing to say, honstly the last thing i want to talk about is my PD.Granted if given the opportunity I’ll talk your ear off 😳 about it. I can’t speak for the whole PD community only for myself but what I needed from the world is patience, understanding and compassion. Plus a good shaky guy joke now and again is always good too.
Music to calm the savage beast:
Okay so now you’ve patiently waited for my ranting and rambling to stop we can look at some art, this first piece is the background for an image I’ll introduce later.
The foreground for this piece will be an abstract expression of this lovely flower. Though I do intend to stay true to the colors from the original flower and possibly the flower itself.
I personally am thinking of doing a series on flowers, mums,dahlias and lilies of the valley.
Original photo can be found below.
“The long way home”
(2) 12″x12″ (30cm) canvas panels
mixed media: Plaster,inks and acrylics
200 usd suggested donation.
Each road we take in life leads to a new path and
a new chance to see our world in a new light. My hope for you
is that you may take the long way home and stop to see the
world before you. See the beauty in life and cherish each
and every moment, for they come only once. The light will never
be the same nor will you or I. So please enjoy your life.
**As this journal and site were originally planned to chronicle my experiences with Young onset Parkinson’s disease I’ve decided to include a bit of science, technology, nutritional and or personal experience with each post. Today the topic is sleep and the fact that pwp often have sleep disorders as well. Often if fatigue and or depression is a burdensome component of ones Parkinson’s symptoms a sleep study is ordered. There is starting to be a far greater understanding of the effects of sleep and its relationship to Parkinson’s.