Also this morning 10-13-15 11:00a pst I go to meet with my endocrinologist to go over the results from my imaging test, I’m kinda F’n nervous. Anyhow nothing I can do to change what has already happened. With any luck it will just be hypothyroidism and I can take more meds lol. Honestly with this thyroid thing I’m super glad to figure it out. It’s been messing with my uptake on my PD meds which is a pretty serious quality of life issue for me.
The art above is all works in progress. The two left hand pieces are small 4×6 inches and the right hand side image is 12×12 inches. Oh one last thing if ANY of you know a I.T. Lawyer I need one yesterday. As many of you know a local company lost 14 years of data, files and electronic folders containing basically entire life for the last 14 years. Honestly it’s tragic see PD has taken away my ability to actively recall memories, words,long term plan…. The list goes on and on. So the case and point is I’ll never get those things back now. Any how if anyone knows a good lawyer the company is ready to settle and I need advice ASAP.
I’m forgetting things…….
I can see the goal but have lost
The ability to plan it out…
The pain in my shoulders
Is bi-lateral…. It really really hurts
All….. The…… Time….. (7)
Thyroid what’s the thyroid?????
It controls what?….. Everything…. Shit.
1 in 40 is scary 3 in 5 years is scarier.
Cancer…. Parkinson’s disease. WTF.
My legs are forgetting how to step
“The shakes are coming”, “the shakes are coming”……
Honestly I’m scared.. This is scary shit. I rarely say it out loud and ponder on it even less but today as the pain is relentless and the fatigue never ever stops.
I can’t stop but think and wonder
How much can this human body take…. #alongfortheride
Thank you that’s all.
“A life in progress”
Words on fear and anticipation:
On such a sleepless wing I travel
As the cricket song fades away
I’ve missed my train
For now in slow groups of three
Does my life begin
Three by five to keep me alive
And these shakes to stay at bay
I long for the gentle sounds
Of angels to usher me off and away
To guide these borrowed bones
Back to place of peace and slumber
No more pain or pills,
Doctors and worried faces.
No more canes and stairs
Or medical places
I yearn for rest and peace of mind…
“A life in progress”
I’ve never seen such bright eyes go so dark…
Such caring lips curl to the distaste of love.
I always knew there was a secret I just never knew
It was as dark as mine.
I fear the darkness in your eyes for I know
All to well of its hunger.
Its a careless carnivore.
Consuming everything it touches, leaving darkness, confusion and guilt behind.
My colors have mixed, muddied
I feel empty.
A hollow man searching to fill this chemical void.
This empty substantia nigra that’s been drained of all feelings of joy…. Left numb by science…. Nature or nurture each a ray of hope only observed by those with feeling and the ability to self perceive.
Darkness borders this mirror of disparity, pulling gently from a dizzying height.
Just till the earth starts to spin…Falling but never fallen.
Beat but never broken, these blue eyes….
Are so tired…
“Better out than in”
Words in a streaming thought free write.
“May all each if your days be brighter than the next.”
A life in progress.
It's gonna be a long week….With any luck I'll get my website cleaned up a bit during this "downtime." Cheers~ B. "A life in progress" #realtalk #parkinsonsdisease #onelifetolive #lovelife #healinghearts #courage #strength #hope #artwork #artgallery #menshealth #cancer #thyroidcancer benjaminprewitt.com
Things just keep getting more and more entertaining in this life. I had an interesting conversation with a cancer ward nurse. I’d just finished my colonoscopy (today 10-6-15) and was a bit “high” from the procedure and a bit giddy, she asks so how’s it being so young and having PD? I tell her it’s simply a process, like getting older or standing in a que. The really strange part of it is the observation and the human element, simply watching as these major life things happen. I mean really what can I do? I’m just along for the ride. Aren’t we all.
Watching a my memory fades and as I slowly lose the ability of my hands or my ability to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time. Or perhaps the relentless central nerve pain that turns tickles into tears. Those pesky nerve impulses getting confused. For in this life are we all not simply just vessels? When we are young we are filled by those elements around us and as we age we begin to in turn fill the vessels of those around us. From student to teacher and back to student is the story of ~”Vessel – I am”~
Thank you for taking the time to read with me today it means a great deal to me to be able to share my story.
“A life in progress”
I’ve reached a wall, I’ve tried to be kind and patient. I’ve tried to communicate my needs but now I’m done. The other day I lost an email account and all the files associated with. Sadly this email account had 15 years of my life attached to it. Medical,professional and personal. Kids pics,my memoirs and international contacts. Needless to say I’m literally sick to my stomach. My ex-wife is fighting me for custody of my son and I’m pissed. So……..Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Yeah, I’m going to sue the wholly hell out of Comcast if I don’t see some type to resolution.
**Side note: This just in: earlier today 9/24/15 after writing the first part of this post I decided to do some research an found the emails for the senior executives of the Comcast corporation ane sent them this email which I first sent to the CEO of the company,
To each executive I sent a copy of this email with a different subject line: Some reading ” Flash~Comcast loses disabled mans vital records” or ” Flash~ Comcast mocks man with Parkinson’s disease after losing 15 years worth of data. So this afternoon I get a call from Shiela and she’s “very concerned” about my situation….. Well since I really don’t want to sue these people, I really want my data, memories and information back I gave Sheila the chance to do her thing. On the flip side I have two legal teams salivating to eat Comcast alive from every angle so either way somewhere someone will understand I’m seriously pissed.
Same thing with this child custody thing, how could anyone who knows the bond I have with my son try to stand in the way of me and my son. I’m not asking for full custody just 50/50 we part the same way we came. Anyhow sorry now I’m being a whiner, just venting. But seriously I’m not backing down 😀.
Still waiting to see if they can recover my files…. Though now I’m actually talking with their corporate office instead of the pathetic excuse of a customer service department.
Well I’m gonna hit post instead of leaving this random draft in my phone.
I hope the world is being kind to all of you and you to it.
“A life on hold”
Ubuntu– “I am what I am because of who we all are”
Ubuntu (/ʊˈbuːntʊ/ uu-boon-tuu; Zulu pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼú]) is a Nguni Bantu term roughly translating to “human kindness.”[dubious ] It is an idea from the Southern African region which means literally “human-ness,” and is often translated as “humanity toward others,” but is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean “the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity”.
Thanks for reading. I’m feeling very thankful for the life I have today. It’s funny because I havent been feeling very well lately and today is no different. My hips,back, shoulders and neck have been very stiff and sore. That being said I’ve been eating well and stretching 2 (4x.5)hrs a day and walking 1.5 miles a day so I guess the next step is to look deeper into my medicine and exercise program. I hope the world is treating all of you well and you it, please remember it takes just one moment in time to be kind.
“a life in progress”
Good morning, Afternoon and evening. I hope your day has treated you well so far. Thanks for stopping it’s lovely to see you as always. It’s crunch time here I’ve such a busy schedule this month and next. Between the colonoscopy, thyroid surgery, Tattoo appointment, OHSU symposium, my sleep study and countless other events and Dr crap to do I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it. And yes for this whom already know there is a slight chance I’ve thyroid cancer but it’s very very slim. I go in for a two day test October 1,2nd when I find out more I’ll let everybody know.
I’m very excited though to keep painting and writing. The floral series and a new style or Coral pieces are floating around inside my head these days so who knows. With some time and patience I’ll be adding the flower image above to the background below this week
I figure the yellow and orange in the flower should offset the background nicely. Well this post is 3 days late since I started it so I’m gonna hit post and as the title suggests “get busy.” Much love and light to you all. Honestly I’ve not been feeling well lately and with all this medical crap going on its stressing me out. But I’m still thankful to wake each day and see what the world has in store for me.
“a life in progress”