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Thought of the day

Each day we have the opportunity to start over. To view the the world through fresh eyes, heart and soul. The choice is ours…. Take it.

B.
2015

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I moved :-)

It’s been a few since I’ve written and thought it polite to give a wee update. Katelyn and I moved to a very cute little cottage out south here in town. I’ll be able to set up an outside easel this summer as the yard is huge!
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The house is small but has excepted us nicely it’s a 100 years old this year so we plan to show it great respect.

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Here are some quick photos from around the yard.

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Well it’s just after 6a here and it’s time for mass amounts of coffee and my meds. May all your dreams come true, I’ll be painting soon again and look forward to sharing the new creations and get back into selling and showing art. Here’s a blast from the past Circa 92′

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Please remember to be kind to each other for you never know when one small act of kindness could mean the world to the person receiving it.

Until next time.
Benjamin
2015
“A life in progress”

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Full Circle

Life……. What a topic right.! It’s been nearly 3 years since I started this blog.
And the other day as I watched the waves crash upon the shore of one of my favorite Oregon beaches I realized my life has come full circle in the time of three years.
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Continued: 4-1-15 Most of you know by now it takes me a few days to write these posts anymore, some because of my hands and this new iOS update that sucks….. Makes the keyboard split on my iPad.😡 Anyhow, I’m moving tomorrow.! Down town was a good place for me to blow off some steam and collect myself after the events of the last few years but the time has come to move to a “home” with a yard and neighbors with yards. There’s no question I miss a great many parts of my old life sadly I can’t change what happened I can only grow as a human, forgive my past and embrace my future.
I wanted to thank all of the people that have stayed with me on this journey from diagnosis with Young onset Parkinson’s disease,divorce, love, hate,failure and success. In the last few years Art and Parkinson’s disease have both crippled and set me free.for that I’m thankful everyday. Thankful and determined to fight this disease, thankful yet sad that it took a incurable progressive and degenerative neurological disease for me to clearly see what it’s like to truly live and love life to its fullest. Sorry for the sappy sentiment but ironically today 04-01-2015 known as April fools day here in the states is also the day that my government “Officially” lists me as permanently disabled :-/ Yay……. ( sarcasm ).

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Well after a few (3) hours of sleep I’m up once again except today…… I sign for my new place I begin moving, healing and starting a new future full of excitement and hope. Soon I’ll be able to paint again with same passion I have for years I dare say this new chapter of life may be my most inspirational yet. On a parting note I’ll ask you all one thing that I’ve requested before, please do one kind thing today for someone who doesn’t expect it.
Until next time, be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have for you never know when it will change.

Always,
Benjamin.
“A life in progress”
2015

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Dreams of a child

Dreams:
When I was I boy I traveled the stars
On a bed with wings and chocolate bars
I soared with angels and fought with demons, changed the weather controlled all the seasons

When I was a boy I wandered the desert and gazed at the sky
I turned into a bird and learned how to fly.
I sailed in the oceans and swallowed a sea
Found my true evil she looked just like me.

When I was a boy a dream I was a man stable and sturdy healthy and strong
Now I’m a man and dream as I may
Something was lost to a far younger day.

There was a calm that came across the morning sky as if all the angels has sung at once.
My heart and head rested in this silence guided by dulcet tones of calm.
Hues is blue, gold and green washed over me as if the palette of god painted my soul it self.
My body rested from its pain,tremor and twisted long enough to hear the angels sing.
A gift of serenity, peace and calm I will cherish through out the day.

*** today was a hard day.
B.

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Sneak peak ;) 03-15-15

There be paint on these hands again!! Woot!! Here is a very brief look at my current work in progress.
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And then another;

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Here we are seeing just the first layers of color and texture. I intend to add a secondary layer of both color and texture at a later point using the same technique seen in the “Love Language” collection.”

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Well then my dear friend and family I hope your all doing well. Much love and may all your dreams come true.

Benjamin
2015
“A life in progress”

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I’m reminded of……

As I get older, not OLD but older ;) I find it fascinating how life really truly starts to repeat itself based on the choices and direction we walk or allow ourselves to follow. As I embark on this newest of journeys in my life I watch as road marks of time pass and as I leap fences never leapt before I realize now more than ever that change is hard and I think harder still as one grows and becomes more self aware. For as I’ve grown and become more cognizant of my past action and mistakes I’m also more aware of what lay ahead and I ponder which path has the least resistance in this new life.
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“Morning Fog”
2014-Digital photo/Print
Everyday I live with fear. During a conversation the other afternoon I verbally expressed those fear(s) and I must admit it was a bit freeing. To admit ones deepest demons and not be judged or “told” what to do. Sometimes or rather it’s always nice to simply be heard,felt and understood.

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“There be Dragons”
2014~Digital photo/Print
Things here in my world have become so very increasingly stressful, but for all the right reasons, mostly. Making the decision to move back into a ” proper” home is a big step in healing and growing for me. It’s a step in continuing on with a positive, nurturing lifestyle, one that’s based upon mutual love,trust and communication. Over the last year I’ve learned how talk truly from my heart. I’ve accepted the fact that I have guilt and fear in my life and I’m learning how to express those feelings in a productive nature. Daily I’m still learning how to simply just live. Live with this unrelenting bitch of a mistress A.K.A Parkinson’s disease. Learning how to accept love and listen.. Right shocking! A male who’s learning to actually listen..weird I know 😉 but I’m trying.
Okay well it’s now 3-13-15 I started this post a number of days ago so I figure I should “post” before all of this loses it’s relevance in the world. Good news is I painted today for the first time in weeks. YAY!!

Please remember to be kind to each other for if not you then who?

Always,
B.
2015
“A life in progress”

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“Orbits”
24×48″
Mixed media
2013
**a social/emotional piece involving thoughts in personal relationships and the people that come in and out of our lives and the seemingly ambiguous reasons why.

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Thankful for the small things…

Started 3-6-15 ~
Each day I struggle to find words to express myself in a way that truly reflects the emotional content of my work. The thoughts, trials, burdens and joys that go into each painting I do. Often I find simply expressing how I feel in verbal form gets complicated and misinterpreted as my Parkinson’s steals my ability to hear my own tone and voice inflection. Or the social awkwardness as my face doesn’t often express the emotion I’m feeling at the time. “Smile and wave, just smile and wave” lol. Echoes through my head all day.

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I’ve been out of town for a day plus visiting friends and looking for a new place to live. I’ve decided to carry on with the life I want the very best I know how these days. Soon I’ll be classified as “fully disabled” on April fools day here in the states 01-04-2015 lol. Ironic isn’t it.

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Two days of random life stuff, a few more good pictures and some great memories but still no paint :( honestly I’m not motivated to paint here in this space anymore. It feels tainted in an odd way. Though many great things happened whilst living here, I feel done with down town. It’s time to put my “Big Boy” pants back on and put Humpty Dumpty back together. Being the human I am as my time with the paint takes a rest my desire to write starts to churn again. I’ve been thinking very seriously about writing “That book” everybody has been telling me for years to write. Who knows what I’ll do, honestly my partner and best friend and I have some much life to experience together that I’m not worried I’ll run short of inspiration for this lifetime and many others.

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“Each day I love you more”
Taken 3-9-15
Well truthfully if I don’t post this now it’ll never happen so I’ll leave you with a few my thoughts. Live the life you want while you can, it’s in life’s nature to change so cherish each moment for next may and will bring change. Take the advice of those who love you unconditionally and love the ones you do with everything you are and ever wanted to be for it maybe your love that fills their cracks like no other.
As always, “be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have.”

Benjamin
2015

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Science Time 101: Depression and Parkinson’s Disease

It’s funny, you’d think a fair amount of depression or extreme emotion would come with a life altering diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease and it does. I mean really I’d just turned 40 when I started my diagnosis process and then after a year and a half of tests and failed treatments a very kind and very talented Chinese doctor took one look, 40 min visit and looked me in the eye and said I have PD. Sure it was pretty heavy at the time but little did I know everything in my life has changed. Below you’ll find two articles that I’ve been re-reading as I’ve been struggling greatly as of late.

Depression

For people with Parkinson’s, depression is quite common and disabling—and it is the symptom most often overlooked. Up to 60 percent of people with Parkinson’s experience mild or moderate depressive symptoms. In fact, research suggests that the disease itself causes chemical changes in the brain that may lead to depression.

Parkinson’s affects many parts of the brain that are important in controlling mood. One of these is the area that produces serotonin, a brain chemical implicated in depression. Another part of the brain important in regulating mood—the frontal lobe—is known to be under-active in Parkinson’s. Commonly prescribed antidepressants can help. In addition to medications, cognitive-behavioral therapy has also been shown to help some people with Parkinson’s.

Other researchers have found that people with Parkinson’s who were depressed had more trouble with daily activities, and were more likely to begin medication for motor symptoms sooner than those without depressive symptoms. Depression decreased their quality of life and made their motor symptoms worse—but treating the depression, rather than the motor symptoms, improved both quality of life and movement. If you feel you are doing very poorly, yet your doctor finds only mild physical impairments during your exam, you may be depressed. Depression can range from feelings of sadness and discouragement to extreme hopelessness. These feelings generally are different from the grief and frustration you may feel as a result of your diagnosis.

Tell your doctor if you are having these symptoms.
** Source

Cognitive Impairment

Another troublesome symptom of Parkinson’s is mild cognitive impairment. Many people with Parkinson’s are surprised to find that they feel distracted or disorganized, or have difficulty planning and carrying through tasks. It may be harder to focus in situations that divide their attention, like a group conversation. When facing a task or situation on their own, a person with PD may feel overwhelmed by having to make choices. They may also have difficulty remembering information, or have trouble finding the right words when speaking. For some people these changes are merely annoying, for others they interfere with work or with managing household affairs.

To some degree, cognitive impairment affects most people with Parkinson’s. The same brain changes that lead to motor symptoms can also result in slowness in memory and thinking. Stress, medication, and depression can also contribute to these changes.

It is important to tell your doctor if you have concerns about cognitive changes. You may need to change your medication. Or you may be referred to a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist for assessment. An occupational therapist can then work with you on strategies for adapting to, and coping with these symptoms. A speech therapist can help with language difficulties.

Cognitive impairment is different from dementia, which is a more severe loss of intellectual abilities that interferes with daily living so much that it may not be possible for a person to live independently. Two recent long-term studies suggest that many people with Parkinson’s will eventually develop a mild form of dementia as the disease progresses, usually many years after their initial diagnosis. One medication, Exelon ®(rivastigmine tartrate), is now available to treat dementia in Parkinson’s, and others are under study.

To learn more on this topic, read the article below by Alexander Tröster, Ph.D.

For further reading please follow the link. Cognition and Parkinson’s

** needless to say as a normal guy I’ve made some pretty huge mistakes but I have to say that if there was any one singular thing that I have a huge problem with is my cognition and emotional regulation. Which is funny because most ppl would say I’m pretty ” mellow ” when in fact lol I fight my demons daily,

I can handle the neuro-muscular pain of PD and I don’t mind the crazy neuropathy but the feeling of helplessness in my head will be the end of me I’m sure. Any how this isn’t about me, it’s about creating a world that has a better understanding and level of compassion for those in need. Again I hope world has been kind to you and you to it, please remember to always be brave,be bold and thrive in the life you have you never know when or how things will change.

Always,
B.
“A life in progress”

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3/1/15 pm music an pics

Sorry to have been absent as of late. Life yet again has taken an unexpected turn. But with some patience and some luck all things will work out just fine. Here’s a couple of the photos I’ve been taking of the world around me. As per usual it’s the world as I see it, please enjoy.
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Morning walk.
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Cow friends

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Another beautiful day.(Amity Oregon)

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Big Sky
*driving home(passengering)

I hope all of you have been well, someday I’ll paint again. Right now my heart and head are in to many place to be productive. As an artist and person with Parkinson’s I’ve not been feeling secure in my living situation which for a person in my medical situation is very, very scary. I need stability and currently I’m feeling like I’m waking a tight rope :( oh well. Day by day right?
Anyhow I hope where ever you are when you read this that you know someone else is smiling because of it.

Much love and light.
B.
“A life in progress”
2015

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