Some of you know where this piece comes from some may not but I can guarantee that I wish I didn’t. Many of you know this last April I separated from my wife and was forced to leave my home and children. During this process I gave my my trust away when I shouldn’t have and got burned. I have to take some responsibility but as in all scenarios it takes two to tango.
I’m left now feeling more broken and rejected than I have in any time in my 44 years on this planet. I will not go into details out of respect for myself and all involved. Please enjoy the next images as a part of my healing process.




Above the close ups.



This piece was intentionally painted as one piece with the knowledge that I would break it in half at the seem.

(2) 12″ x 12″ birch panels
Mixed media
A life in limbo
Pam torri’r addewid honno ?

Stuff and things ~ 7/26/14

Good morning, I hope the day has found you well. As so often I do I find myself pondering the point of this life, why is it that we are given these huge range of emotions and yet so often not the tools to deal with them? Recently I lost someone in my life whom I love very dearly. So I sit here wondering how do I get past that “again” how do I learn to fill that void?
Sadly I’m old enough to know I can’t. I know I will never fill the void of loss I can only learn to live with it. Hence back to my question why? Why are we given this depth o heart and soul if only to have it ( them crushed ) how can that possibly be good. Anyhow like many of my paintings it’s a process right, hour by hour minute by minute and day by day I suppose.

~~ Words~~
** Hearts on Fire**
There is calm that you bring to my busy mind
That no other can bestow.
A gentleness that flows from your heart
And fills my worried soul like no other.
It is with these simple and humble hands that I do paint and write these words of heart strings and things
These visions of color given weight
By the heart behind them.
There is no measure of thanks or soft words to imply the depth of my heart to yours or the length at which my soul soars amongst the angels in heavens high.
So for that I let my words and paint fill that void of “Hearts on Fire”

Despite the loss, ache and empty that I have in my heart right now I’m trying to think of the positive things I do still have in my life. I was just asked to speak at a disabilities conference in Portland Oregon August 10-12th. I believe the topic I’ll be speaking on is thriving in life despite having a disability. I also just accepted a seat on the board for the Parks department here in Salem. So things in most of my life are looking up I just wish I could get past the longing in my heart to be held.
I’ve been doing some roughy sketches for my next few paintings. Being up here in Portland at my friends garden has given me some interesting ideas. Keep in mine the drawings are just outlines at to where the second layer of linear texture will go. They will be in the same style as My Love and Healing Waters

Here is a quick look at some of the ideas.




My Path
Well my friends that’s about all I have today. I’ll be getting a ride back to the studio later today and will probably hide for a while.

“A life in progress”

Gifts from the garden..

I had the opportunity to visit a friend today and received a lovely tattoo. Then spent some time in the garden relaxing and gaining inspiration from nature. Taking some time in Portland to slow things down a bit. Please enjoy gifts from the garden:

A greeting from the head,

A stop by the play,

Then kissed by the sun.
And possibly there was some painting that happened early this morning before the adventures of the day began.

And panel two

The pieces above were painted side by side and currently sharing a seem.
I hope the day has treated you and life has been kind.

“A life in progress”

The morning mile~ and some paint.

To be honest I’m not sure if it was a mile or not. This morning I woke around 2a pst to gentle breeze and a summer rain. Greeted by the the late night crowed coffee in hand I wished them well and took a walk to find the stillness in my life that I’ve seem to have lost.
What I did find was the world or parts of it were still and peaceful for me. I brought some back to share with you.



Angel Wing


There was also some painting that was done today. Still wet as I type, still waiting for me to return.

This piece has a secret, she’ll be two when she’s done.

It must have been a dream
This piece will change a great deal but will look similar when completed.
Both are very early in development.
Thanks for stopping in today as always it’s lovely to have you with me.
And please remember to always Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have, you never know when things will change….

“A life in progress”

Just to be clear and so it can be said.

Some may see my previous post as a celebration, sadly it is anything but. I’ve never dreamed only feared that I’d not be by my childs side nor not stand with my family. My new life is only the best outcome from a very sad and horrific situation. It breaks my heart a thousand times a day. But who do I wish to be in this life a warrior or a victim? Do I show my kids to simply lay down when life gets hard?? NO!! I must Be Brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life I have. If not for myself then for them as they may not see it now but someday they will and I hope when they need strength the most they can search for that strength in the memory of their father.

cailín gaelach
To my Bonny Lass: I’m sorry I’ve failed you.
With eyes like emeralds I’m drawn so deep.
Into a place no demons can creep.
Hair like fire and skin so fair
Only she can take me there.
With a laugh and kiss our bond oh so deep.
Fifteen years in the making a promise a promise I keep.
For all of my days and all that come after
A vow that we made in front of a pastor.
Now my poor girl I feel that I’ve failed.
Your white knight has rusted my coffin half nailed.
I fight off the demons try to keep them at bay.
Slowly and surely they come as they may.
Taking my armor one piece at a time.
Falling like soldiers all in a line.
Till my last dyeing breath I promise to fight, no my sweet love “I will not go quietly into the night”
” For all of my days and all that come after”


“May your days be bright and your nights be short. Go in love and light and a memory so bright that love may lead the way.”

Starting Over ~ Completed



Starting Over
16″ x 20″
Mixed media

~Some words~

There once was a time when slept

I slept with dreams of my own
Calm and peaceful in the night sky
Gentle summer breeze through a window
Left open just enough…
Just enough to keep away the demons of the night…
Now I find myself with coffee and words
In the small hours of the night and early morn
Wandering the halls of new home
As I’ve done so many times before
Bach in the background as my fingers find
The keys to ease my worried mind
And wanten heart.
Poetic justice for a painters heart
To wander with words so often in a day
These small place and faces
That haunt my desires and dreams
Keeping paint at bay till the words stop
Falling from the sky.
Slipping from my lips to your heart..
There once was a time when I slept…..


Everything changes

Everything changes
The moon and sun slowly drift into their places.
Time and time again.
The stars rotate above our heads
give guidance to a weary soul.
Spring turn to summer
Summer to fall
The winter blankets my heart
with it’s cold embrace.
The mountains of our past
Become the sands of tomorrow
And from the smallest seed
does the mightiest grow.
Everything changes….
Except one thing…

My love for you.


Words I’ve said before~ vetus anima:

vetus anima:

As the stars track clockwise through the heavens I’m reminded of these new changing times. Reflections of my past giving chase to tomorrows memories and dreams.
For whom shall I be now that I am once again free to be me, who is this knight of pure heart and black soul, Cast down from the heavens eons ago. Left to wander these time in paint and prose. Of lovers lips and and sunken ships that have sailed so long ago.
I search for myself amongst these things we think we need and wonder how and why and who am I.
I’m left with lineage, love anguish and tremor. Pain and paint,passion and woes. But this my friend is where my garden grows. From ashes and fire from human desire. These are the things I’ve become. Of drink and desire and maddening rage, one name, one word my love for I am he.

Benjamin,.. is all that I be.

“Written once and spoken a thousand times in my heart”

Decisions ~life,love and paint.

Two days of inner sunshine…..
Two days of a calm I haven’t felt in years and better yet a slow acceptance of many of the situations in my life both in and out if my control. Sigh~ it’s been along time.. I’d like to say my PD is having a good as day as my soul and heart but I’ll take 2 out of 3 any day.
As of 3-4pst today 7/21/14 I’ll be out of pain pills. I have a 10a appointment at the docs tomorrow and a massage at 1p so if I can’t get my script filled in between life is going to get very very interesting. So much for planning ahead right. I called in Thursday of last week so I could avoid this little (HUGE) issue but didn’t hear the call in Friday from the doc until to late on that same evening.. Oops..!

Anyhow there are some huge things going on I’ve acquired a person to help me get organized a PA if you will. So hopefully I won’t miss anymore important dates and times.. “Hopefully” also the open studio tours are coming up in September 13-14 and the buildings grand opening in August 6th. I may or may not be making a couple more trips back east before the year is out that still remains to be seen. I also will be traveling in late august down to the Nevada area to spend some time with my birth mother and last grandmother. I’ve been putting the finishing touches on my latest collection of paintings and I have to say, which I do rarely that I’m pleased with the way they look.

Broken Heart

Tranquility two

Dreaming of Autumn

So today has been a pretty good day despite the relentless pain and Parkinson’s BS. I also shipped out some limited edition prints today. Not to be confused with my crated site where the prints are not signed and numbered. Though of good quality the crated site is designed for mass market.

Well it’s time for me to rest a bit. I hope the day has treated you well and please remember to always.. Be brave, Be Bold and Thrive in the life you have.

“A life in progress”

Spent the day painting….

Today I must say has been an interesting day. I’ve created art all day long sans for a few moments a good friend came to visit and the one single phone conversation I’ve had all day.

It’s a bit odd actually to spend the day so silent an within my own thoughts. Generally not a place I like to spend a lot of time. The more I think the more I analyze and the more I analyze the more difficult I tend to make my life. So staying busy and communicating with people is always enjoyable for me. Anyhow today apparently is about the paint and not the people. Here is quick look at the progress of the Untitled Coral series piece I started this morning as well as these three small square pieces I’m fooling around with which may or may not come to about to anything. Say hello to Coral,
This piece is still a work in progress. And a couple of close ups. I’ve left some of the natural wood grain apparent in the background that in time and layers I’ll be able to achieve a “watery” kind of illusion with it.



I’ve also re-learned that I probably should wear shoes of some kind in the studio, though I don’t really care to.

And then the 3 little ones I’ve been playing with.

The day has been gorgeous here today though I’ve been inside for most of it. The studio has wonderful windows so plenty of light comes in. Well my friends it time to put down the electronics and paint brushes for a while. Bye for now..
And much love.