IMG_8072.JPG

Dreams of a child

Dreams:
When I was I boy I traveled the stars
On a bed with wings and chocolate bars
I soared with angels and fought with demons, changed the weather controlled all the seasons

When I was a boy I wandered the desert and gazed at the sky
I turned into a bird and learned how to fly.
I sailed in the oceans and swallowed a sea
Found my true evil she looked just like me.

When I was a boy a dream I was a man stable and sturdy healthy and strong
Now I’m a man and dream as I may
Something was lost to a far younger day.

There was a calm that came across the morning sky as if all the angels has sung at once.
My heart and head rested in this silence guided by dulcet tones of calm.
Hues is blue, gold and green washed over me as if the palette of god painted my soul it self.
My body rested from its pain,tremor and twisted long enough to hear the angels sing.
A gift of serenity, peace and calm I will cherish through out the day.

*** today was a hard day.
B.

IMG_0468.JPG

Sneak peak ;) 03-15-15

There be paint on these hands again!! Woot!! Here is a very brief look at my current work in progress.
IMG_0466.JPG
And then another;

IMG_0469.PNG
Here we are seeing just the first layers of color and texture. I intend to add a secondary layer of both color and texture at a later point using the same technique seen in the “Love Language” collection.”

IMG_0213.JPG

IMG_9949.JPG
Well then my dear friend and family I hope your all doing well. Much love and may all your dreams come true.

Benjamin
2015
“A life in progress”

IMG_0454.JPG

I’m reminded of……

As I get older, not OLD but older ;) I find it fascinating how life really truly starts to repeat itself based on the choices and direction we walk or allow ourselves to follow. As I embark on this newest of journeys in my life I watch as road marks of time pass and as I leap fences never leapt before I realize now more than ever that change is hard and I think harder still as one grows and becomes more self aware. For as I’ve grown and become more cognizant of my past action and mistakes I’m also more aware of what lay ahead and I ponder which path has the least resistance in this new life.
IMG_9932.JPG
“Morning Fog”
2014-Digital photo/Print
Everyday I live with fear. During a conversation the other afternoon I verbally expressed those fear(s) and I must admit it was a bit freeing. To admit ones deepest demons and not be judged or “told” what to do. Sometimes or rather it’s always nice to simply be heard,felt and understood.

IMG_1087.JPG
“There be Dragons”
2014~Digital photo/Print
Things here in my world have become so very increasingly stressful, but for all the right reasons, mostly. Making the decision to move back into a ” proper” home is a big step in healing and growing for me. It’s a step in continuing on with a positive, nurturing lifestyle, one that’s based upon mutual love,trust and communication. Over the last year I’ve learned how talk truly from my heart. I’ve accepted the fact that I have guilt and fear in my life and I’m learning how to express those feelings in a productive nature. Daily I’m still learning how to simply just live. Live with this unrelenting bitch of a mistress A.K.A Parkinson’s disease. Learning how to accept love and listen.. Right shocking! A male who’s learning to actually listen..weird I know 😉 but I’m trying.
Okay well it’s now 3-13-15 I started this post a number of days ago so I figure I should “post” before all of this loses it’s relevance in the world. Good news is I painted today for the first time in weeks. YAY!!

Please remember to be kind to each other for if not you then who?

Always,
B.
2015
“A life in progress”

IMG_9617.JPG
“Orbits”
24×48″
Mixed media
2013
**a social/emotional piece involving thoughts in personal relationships and the people that come in and out of our lives and the seemingly ambiguous reasons why.

IMG_0410.JPG

Thankful for the small things…

Started 3-6-15 ~
Each day I struggle to find words to express myself in a way that truly reflects the emotional content of my work. The thoughts, trials, burdens and joys that go into each painting I do. Often I find simply expressing how I feel in verbal form gets complicated and misinterpreted as my Parkinson’s steals my ability to hear my own tone and voice inflection. Or the social awkwardness as my face doesn’t often express the emotion I’m feeling at the time. “Smile and wave, just smile and wave” lol. Echoes through my head all day.

IMG_9809.JPG
I’ve been out of town for a day plus visiting friends and looking for a new place to live. I’ve decided to carry on with the life I want the very best I know how these days. Soon I’ll be classified as “fully disabled” on April fools day here in the states 01-04-2015 lol. Ironic isn’t it.

3-08-15
Two days of random life stuff, a few more good pictures and some great memories but still no paint :( honestly I’m not motivated to paint here in this space anymore. It feels tainted in an odd way. Though many great things happened whilst living here, I feel done with down town. It’s time to put my “Big Boy” pants back on and put Humpty Dumpty back together. Being the human I am as my time with the paint takes a rest my desire to write starts to churn again. I’ve been thinking very seriously about writing “That book” everybody has been telling me for years to write. Who knows what I’ll do, honestly my partner and best friend and I have some much life to experience together that I’m not worried I’ll run short of inspiration for this lifetime and many others.

IMG_0420.JPG
“Each day I love you more”
Taken 3-9-15
Well truthfully if I don’t post this now it’ll never happen so I’ll leave you with a few my thoughts. Live the life you want while you can, it’s in life’s nature to change so cherish each moment for next may and will bring change. Take the advice of those who love you unconditionally and love the ones you do with everything you are and ever wanted to be for it maybe your love that fills their cracks like no other.
As always, “be brave, be bold and thrive in the life you have.”

Benjamin
2015

IMG_7631.JPG

IMG_1399.JPG

Science Time 101: Depression and Parkinson’s Disease

It’s funny, you’d think a fair amount of depression or extreme emotion would come with a life altering diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease and it does. I mean really I’d just turned 40 when I started my diagnosis process and then after a year and a half of tests and failed treatments a very kind and very talented Chinese doctor took one look, 40 min visit and looked me in the eye and said I have PD. Sure it was pretty heavy at the time but little did I know everything in my life has changed. Below you’ll find two articles that I’ve been re-reading as I’ve been struggling greatly as of late.

Depression

For people with Parkinson’s, depression is quite common and disabling—and it is the symptom most often overlooked. Up to 60 percent of people with Parkinson’s experience mild or moderate depressive symptoms. In fact, research suggests that the disease itself causes chemical changes in the brain that may lead to depression.

Parkinson’s affects many parts of the brain that are important in controlling mood. One of these is the area that produces serotonin, a brain chemical implicated in depression. Another part of the brain important in regulating mood—the frontal lobe—is known to be under-active in Parkinson’s. Commonly prescribed antidepressants can help. In addition to medications, cognitive-behavioral therapy has also been shown to help some people with Parkinson’s.

Other researchers have found that people with Parkinson’s who were depressed had more trouble with daily activities, and were more likely to begin medication for motor symptoms sooner than those without depressive symptoms. Depression decreased their quality of life and made their motor symptoms worse—but treating the depression, rather than the motor symptoms, improved both quality of life and movement. If you feel you are doing very poorly, yet your doctor finds only mild physical impairments during your exam, you may be depressed. Depression can range from feelings of sadness and discouragement to extreme hopelessness. These feelings generally are different from the grief and frustration you may feel as a result of your diagnosis.

Tell your doctor if you are having these symptoms.
** Source

Cognitive Impairment

Another troublesome symptom of Parkinson’s is mild cognitive impairment. Many people with Parkinson’s are surprised to find that they feel distracted or disorganized, or have difficulty planning and carrying through tasks. It may be harder to focus in situations that divide their attention, like a group conversation. When facing a task or situation on their own, a person with PD may feel overwhelmed by having to make choices. They may also have difficulty remembering information, or have trouble finding the right words when speaking. For some people these changes are merely annoying, for others they interfere with work or with managing household affairs.

To some degree, cognitive impairment affects most people with Parkinson’s. The same brain changes that lead to motor symptoms can also result in slowness in memory and thinking. Stress, medication, and depression can also contribute to these changes.

It is important to tell your doctor if you have concerns about cognitive changes. You may need to change your medication. Or you may be referred to a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist for assessment. An occupational therapist can then work with you on strategies for adapting to, and coping with these symptoms. A speech therapist can help with language difficulties.

Cognitive impairment is different from dementia, which is a more severe loss of intellectual abilities that interferes with daily living so much that it may not be possible for a person to live independently. Two recent long-term studies suggest that many people with Parkinson’s will eventually develop a mild form of dementia as the disease progresses, usually many years after their initial diagnosis. One medication, Exelon ®(rivastigmine tartrate), is now available to treat dementia in Parkinson’s, and others are under study.

To learn more on this topic, read the article below by Alexander Tröster, Ph.D.

For further reading please follow the link. Cognition and Parkinson’s

** needless to say as a normal guy I’ve made some pretty huge mistakes but I have to say that if there was any one singular thing that I have a huge problem with is my cognition and emotional regulation. Which is funny because most ppl would say I’m pretty ” mellow ” when in fact lol I fight my demons daily,

I can handle the neuro-muscular pain of PD and I don’t mind the crazy neuropathy but the feeling of helplessness in my head will be the end of me I’m sure. Any how this isn’t about me, it’s about creating a world that has a better understanding and level of compassion for those in need. Again I hope world has been kind to you and you to it, please remember to always be brave,be bold and thrive in the life you have you never know when or how things will change.

Always,
B.
“A life in progress”

IMG_0885.JPG

IMG_0359.JPG

3/1/15 pm music an pics

Sorry to have been absent as of late. Life yet again has taken an unexpected turn. But with some patience and some luck all things will work out just fine. Here’s a couple of the photos I’ve been taking of the world around me. As per usual it’s the world as I see it, please enjoy.
3-1-15
Morning walk.
IMG_0377.JPG
Cow friends

IMG_0370.JPG

IMG_0293.JPG
Another beautiful day.(Amity Oregon)

IMG_0302.JPG
Big Sky
*driving home(passengering)

I hope all of you have been well, someday I’ll paint again. Right now my heart and head are in to many place to be productive. As an artist and person with Parkinson’s I’ve not been feeling secure in my living situation which for a person in my medical situation is very, very scary. I need stability and currently I’m feeling like I’m waking a tight rope :( oh well. Day by day right?
Anyhow I hope where ever you are when you read this that you know someone else is smiling because of it.

Much love and light.
B.
“A life in progress”
2015

IMG_0279.JPG

IMG_0293.JPG

Quick hello

Sorry to be away so much these days. I’ve been pretty sick this last week and for those of you who know me I’m a huge baby about being sick. Though I’ve had a small chance to play with some paint this week. Here’s a bad pic of what I hope will be the next in the Love language collection.

For those of you just joining the show L.L.C. is employing two very distinctive styles to create a completely complimentary style to what I’ve been working on mastering since I was a teen. This new “look” of the collection is designed to have a strong or bold look. Anyhow I’m back to bed for a nice cup of tea and nap.
IMG_0279.JPG
Again just a quick pic to give an idea.

Cheers and much love, please remember to be kind to each other. For if not you, then who??

Benjamin.
“A life in progress”
2015
** more updates soon, plus some more big life changed :-/

**Hilltop photo is original, taken 2/19/15 Amity Oregon.

IMG_0216.JPG

Studio Time~ 2/11/15

Whether I want to admit it or not another chapter I my life has started…. One could even say it’s a journey I’ve been on for a while though now I can see a tad more clearly the mistakes of my past and the lessons from which I’ve grown.
Today it feels as though my world is far more complex than I’d like with me still trying to put together some type of safety net in regard to my pd and my future…… At least one that doesn’t have me dying alone in some creepy forgotten hospital bed. :-/ Not something I’m looking forward to. Anyhow….. I digress… Please enjoy the next creation from the new Gallery and Studio space.
IMG_0213.JPG
“Untitled”
11.5 x 39.5″
Mixed media
400$ / 225£
Benjamin
**2015 Love Language collection**

IMG_0210.JPG

IMG_0208.JPG

IMG_0209.JPG
This new series is a moderate culmination of techniques I’ve been using for many years. Keeping with my traditional use of texture, washes and glazes I’ve started adding a secondary or primary top texture. Modeled after ancient Mesopotamian scripts and inspired by the most nurturing love I’ve ever known. I’ve titled this next collection “Love Language” I hope to use my artistic voice to speak a little more loud and clearly this year. For me this year will be full of trials and challenges I both know and can’t foresee but after this last year I’ve learned one thing clearly. That change is inevitable and bad things do happen to good people but how we choose to react and handle those “life lessons” is truly what defines us. I’ll never stop trying to learn and love. I’ll never stop giving all of myself to everything I do and I’ll never give up on hope. So please as always. Be brave, Be Bold and thrive in the life you have…… You never know how things will change.

Benjamin
2015
“A life in progress”

**Almost Done

IMG_0212.JPG

IMG_9972.JPG

New things and stuff

After being gone for a while I’m never sure how to start these posts. Do I say Hi, how’s it going? Or gosh! Thanks for coming by? All I know is it’s been to long in between posts and there has been so much going on I’m not even sure where to start.!?

1. New office/gallery/studio
IMG_0138.JPG
2. Starting to ready my brain for the writing of “The Book”.

IMG_7124.JPG

Really life is going fairly well all things considered. The Parkinson’s is kicking my ass pretty hard but my heart and head are in a better place than they’ve been in a longtime. Now that the gallery and studio have moved into their own locations I’m hoping that the painting will start to commence again.
Honestly though between getting the new painting space ready, meetings and trying to regain some form of a “Normal” life. I’m pretty much exhausted all the time but I’d rather live tired than not at all….
**thoughts on change
At first I thought all the travel last year was a great way to work through some life issues then it turned into an escape mechanism as I struggled to yet again re-find myself which sadly I’d been trying to do since my diagnosis in 2011.
It seems I’ve land in a peaceful place for the time being, as a very dear friend of mine and I used to ask each other . My head,heart, body and soul? Are doing well. :) here’s a few quick pics of the completed gallery space. I’ve have some set backs in the overall plan but I’m not one to give up so we’ll see what the future brings.

IMG_0166.JPG
And another:

IMG_0167.JPG
Well unbelievably I started this post over a week ago. Typing isn’t really my strong suite anymore so I’ll end this post as it sits. I miss writing and sharing here a great bit, I have so many hopes and dreams for this new life I’m trying to grow and nurture. I just hope I get to enjoy some of it before my body decides to stop. Recent events have put a stop to all of my travel plans this year except for the Parkinson’s events that are planned. I’d hoped to make it to the UK but on SSDI and the painting not happening I doubt I’ll see my UK peeps this year :(
Anyhow much love and light, I hope the world is kind and generous with you and you to it. For if not you, then who??

Always.
B~xx
“A life in progress”
2015